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寶媽注意啦千萬(wàn)別讓你的食言辜負(fù)了孩子對(duì)你的信任！

出處：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集日期：2024-07-25 14:38:31編輯：秩名

孩子的信任你別辜負(fù)

 
對(duì)于0～3歲的孩子來(lái)說(shuō)，父母是天，是地，是安全感的來(lái)源，也是與這個(gè)世界建立關(guān)聯(lián)的可靠橋梁。孩子全然地信賴成人（尤其是父母），沒(méi)有絲毫的保留。唯其如此，一旦成人（尤其是父母）食言，對(duì)孩子來(lái)說(shuō)，可不僅僅是失信這么簡(jiǎn)單……
 

※無(wú)心之過(guò)，讓孩子很受傷※

 
朋友家有個(gè)不到3歲的小男孩。某次，正巧趕上小男孩感冒。媽媽在家照顧了孩子兩天。第三天，孩子的狀況有所好轉(zhuǎn)，加上單位有急事，媽媽便將孩子交托給外公外婆照看，自己上班去了。午間休息時(shí)，媽媽不放心，打電話回家詢問(wèn)情況。聽(tīng)到孩子依然發(fā)燒，媽媽很著急，當(dāng)即答應(yīng)馬上回家。奶奶嘴快，立刻將這個(gè)消息告訴了孩子。孩子自然很開(kāi)心，滿懷希望地期待媽媽回家。沒(méi)想到外公很淡定，隨后給媽媽打了個(gè)電話，告訴她孩子的狀況尚好，如果單位有事忙，就不用那么著急回家了。湊巧的是，那天單位還真是事情比較多也比較緊急，于是，媽媽決定先處理完手頭的工作再回家。我的這位朋友算是很懂孩子了，自然不會(huì)忘記叮囑家人做好孩子的思想工作。然而，即便如此，依然發(fā)生了令她后悔不迭的事情。
 
那天回到家，孩子看到媽媽，一邊喊著“找媽媽”，一邊以驚恐的眼神看著媽媽，并躲避媽媽。當(dāng)媽媽走向孩子，試圖抱他時(shí)，孩子驚慌失措地跑開(kāi)了。媽媽看孩子不要自己，想先換好家居服再去安撫孩子。誰(shuí)知，看到媽媽離開(kāi)，孩子更恐慌了，一邊喊著“要媽媽”，一邊惶惶然追了過(guò)去。媽媽試圖抱孩子，孩子又驚恐地逃離。如此反復(fù)多次，孩子才放下心中隔閡，接受了媽媽，趴在媽媽?xiě)牙锓怕暣罂蕖＿@位朋友已經(jīng)考慮到孩子可能經(jīng)受的考驗(yàn)，并嘗試做了一些工作，即便如此，媽媽的無(wú)心之過(guò)依然讓孩子很受傷。若這位朋友不懂孩子，她可能根本就不會(huì)去考慮孩子的感受，更不會(huì)叮囑家人做思想工作，讓孩子有足夠的心理準(zhǔn)備，那么，孩子經(jīng)受的打擊就更為嚴(yán)重了。
 

※不是你想逗，就可以逗孩子※

 
上述事件的發(fā)生純屬偶然，或許不具有普遍意義。而有意無(wú)意逗孩子，則是常有的事。成人逗孩子，通常有兩種類型。一是嚇唬孩子，以觀察孩子的反應(yīng)取樂(lè)。如：
 
“快叫阿姨，不叫阿姨，這玩具就不給你了。”
 
“不好好吃飯，媽媽就不回家了。”
 
“表現(xiàn)不好，明天就把你放幼兒園，不接回家了。”
 
“快把好吃的給我吃點(diǎn)，要不我可要全部搶走了。”
 
……
 
成人逗孩子的另一種方式是哄騙，最常見(jiàn)的是為了阻止孩子的某個(gè)行為，胡亂向他許諾，事后卻不兌現(xiàn)。如：
 
“你要好好吃飯，一會(huì)兒我給你買(mǎi)巧克力。”
 
“你不哭了，我就給你買(mǎi)玩具。”
 
孩子缺乏判斷力，不辨真假，常常把成人的話當(dāng)真。孩子當(dāng)真，或在事后發(fā)現(xiàn)被騙，都會(huì)帶來(lái)很多意想不到的問(wèn)題。當(dāng)然，孩子們之間往往存在比較大的個(gè)體差異，并非每個(gè)孩子都如我朋友家的這個(gè)小男孩如此敏感。那些天性粗線條一些的孩子興許很快就忘了這件事，不會(huì)有如此大的反應(yīng)。盡管如此，無(wú)論對(duì)哪種類型的孩子，傷害都是存在的。
 

※孩子很生氣，后果很?chē)?yán)重※

 
第一種逗弄的方式會(huì)讓孩子很生氣，并對(duì)外界產(chǎn)生明顯的不信任感，進(jìn)而懼怕與逗弄他的人交往，甚至推而廣之，導(dǎo)致孩子對(duì)與其他人交往也失去興趣。這種不愉悅的體驗(yàn)會(huì)嚴(yán)重?fù)p害孩子的安全感。部分孩子在經(jīng)歷一兩次這樣的事件之后可能會(huì)懼怕外出，拒絕與人交往，甚至見(jiàn)人就躲。若這種逗弄來(lái)自父母等至親的家人，帶給孩子的傷害便更為嚴(yán)重。試想想，連父母及至親的家人都不可以信賴，孩子還敢信賴誰(shuí)呢？
 
第二種逗弄方式雖然可以暫時(shí)安撫孩子，或者盡快平息沖突，但當(dāng)孩子意識(shí)到自己被騙之后，他一樣會(huì)很生氣，或者不再信任騙他的人，連帶周?chē)腥硕疾辉傩湃?。?dāng)然，在我們?cè)噲D向孩子傳遞規(guī)則時(shí)，他一樣會(huì)以懷疑的眼光看待，總想嘗試突破底線也就是他很自然的一種反應(yīng)了。除此之外，孩子還會(huì)模仿，養(yǎng)成撒謊的習(xí)慣。
 
而且，一個(gè)因經(jīng)常被騙而安全感缺失的孩子往往少了孩子氣，對(duì)孩子本該關(guān)注的事物缺乏興趣，學(xué)習(xí)興趣淡薄，關(guān)注的重心往往在成人身上。就算你一再保證承諾的真實(shí)性，他也需要不斷確認(rèn)，糾纏其是否可靠。當(dāng)孩子糾纏于這些時(shí)，他的發(fā)展自然因此受到阻礙。
 

※請(qǐng)珍惜孩子對(duì)你的信任※

 
比較而言，孩子最信任的首先是父母（或者其他起主導(dǎo)作用的撫養(yǎng)人）。因此，外人哄騙一下孩子，雖然對(duì)他會(huì)產(chǎn)生影響，但終歸與父母無(wú)可匹敵。對(duì)孩子來(lái)說(shuō)，父母可信，世界便可信。因此，父母一諾千金，對(duì)孩子身心健康發(fā)展，以及樹(shù)立父母的威信起著極其重要的作用。
 
其他人我們無(wú)法掌控，但至少，我們可以掌控自己的言行，給孩子一片誠(chéng)信的天地。哪怕我們的誠(chéng)信有時(shí)候會(huì)讓孩子難以接受，也比哄騙他帶來(lái)的負(fù)面影響要小得多。比如，很多家長(zhǎng)在去上班時(shí)，若逢孩子哭鬧糾纏，就會(huì)哄騙孩子去關(guān)注其他事情，在他不經(jīng)意間溜走。但是，與其因此辜負(fù)孩子的信任，不如如實(shí)告知孩子真相，讓他明白，爸爸媽媽上班、下班是很自然的一個(gè)過(guò)程。孩子理解了，自然不哭鬧不糾纏了。他也因此明白，父母說(shuō)話算話，心里反而多一份踏實(shí)感。
 
很多朋友可能會(huì)疑惑，我們可以控制自己，但是控制不了他人，若有人善意地哄騙逗弄孩子，又該如何面對(duì)呢？此時(shí)，我們無(wú)需擔(dān)心逗孩子的朋友是否難堪，而是該與孩子站在同一戰(zhàn)線，與對(duì)方斗智斗勇，將其轉(zhuǎn)換成一個(gè)游戲即可。如此，對(duì)方不會(huì)覺(jué)得難堪，自己不會(huì)覺(jué)得難堪，而孩子也在我們陪他一同面對(duì)的過(guò)程中學(xué)會(huì)更多社交的技巧，何樂(lè)而不為呢？
 
守信是我們必須做到的，但這并不表明，我們從此就連那些富有想象力的敘述都要一棍子打死。當(dāng)我們?cè)噲D告知孩子某些真相時(shí)，用一個(gè)富有想象力的解釋往往可以避免沖突，減少孩子的焦慮情緒，這樣的方式順應(yīng)了孩子的天性，時(shí)不時(shí)天馬行空一番又有何妨？

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