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孩子老愛發(fā)脾氣不是孩子的錯(cuò)錯(cuò)的是家長的回應(yīng)方式！

出處：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集日期：2024-07-25 14:32:00編輯：秩名

情緒不是洪水猛獸

 
一發(fā)現(xiàn)孩子鬧情緒，我們就先亂了陣腳，往往就迫不及待地或安慰，或勸說，或恐嚇，或呵斥……千方百計(jì)，只為一個(gè)目標(biāo)，那就是讓孩子盡速平息情緒。只有他的情緒平息了，我們才覺得安心——仿佛一切尚在控制中。然而，情緒真的是洪水猛獸嗎？面對孩子鬧情緒，究竟該如何應(yīng)對呢？
 

※中國式教育：孩子，別哭※

 
孩子哭，是大多數(shù)父母難以接受，或者說是不知如何應(yīng)對的一種狀況。正因?yàn)槿绱?，我們就往往用簡單粗暴?ldquo;不”字訣來對待孩子，特別是對男孩子，我們會(huì)更為嚴(yán)苛。一看到家里的那個(gè)小男孩哭，父母心里都會(huì)犯嘀咕：男孩子這么嬌氣？哭著哭著會(huì)不會(huì)變“娘”？這可不行，得培養(yǎng)點(diǎn)Man的氣概。于是，“你是男子漢！做男子漢可不能哭”這樣的要求不由自主地便從我們的嘴里蹦出。即便是對女孩子，我們給出的第一反應(yīng)常常也是“別哭，你要做個(gè)勇敢的孩子”。
 
如果孩子繼續(xù)哭，我們就可能恐嚇?biāo)?ldquo;再哭，媽媽不喜歡你了！”“再哭，我就不理你了！”“再哭，警察叔叔就來抓你了！”甚至是以呵斥乃至體罰待之。
 
在父母的重壓下，孩子不得不勉為其難讓自己安靜下來?？墒牵⒆尤绱藟阂肿约呵榫w，會(huì)帶來什么樣的后果呢？
 

※如果孩子壓抑情緒……※

 
當(dāng)孩子的情緒找不到合適的出口釋放，這些情緒就會(huì)越積越多，引起情緒阻滯。當(dāng)孩子情緒阻滯時(shí)，他往往糾纏于這些不愉悅的情緒之中無法自拔，以至于出現(xiàn)以下狀況：
 
●內(nèi)心恐慌，失去安全感，變得退縮、封閉。
 
●情緒越積越多，到了hold不住的那一刻，最終以父母不可預(yù)知的更具破壞力的方式爆發(fā)。
 
●糾結(jié)在情緒之中，看不到其他，或者對其他事物失去興趣，妨礙孩子各方面的發(fā)展。如好奇心削弱，對新鮮事物失去興趣，學(xué)習(xí)的熱情下降甚至完全消失，變得膽小、黏人、脾氣暴躁……
 
●從父母身上學(xué)到同樣粗暴的處理情緒的辦法，對他人及自身情緒缺乏了解，無法敏銳地察覺他人感受，或漠視他人的感受，情緒感受力弱，情商低。
 
●迫于壓力，在父母面前表現(xiàn)得很隱忍，試圖以此搏得父母歡心。一旦脫離父母，遇到合適的機(jī)會(huì)，則將負(fù)面情緒發(fā)泄到比自己弱小的對象身上。如攻擊小伙伴，在爺爺奶奶（外公外婆）面前表現(xiàn)得蠻橫不講理等。
 
●壓抑自己情緒，習(xí)慣以“剛強(qiáng)”的假面具示人。當(dāng)遭遇無法承受的挫折時(shí)，反而更缺乏韌性。
 
……
 

※可是，孩子為什么不能哭呢？※

 
實(shí)際上，哭是孩子與生俱來的一種本能，在他的語言表達(dá)能力沒有發(fā)展起來之前，可以用來有效地表達(dá)他的各種需求。在沒有掌握更多處理情緒的技巧之前，哭也是孩子釋放情緒最方便快捷的方式。哭過了，他的情緒就平穩(wěn)下來，自然就有心情將注意力轉(zhuǎn)移到其他事情上，很快變得愉悅起來。
 
當(dāng)我們用“別哭了”去阻止孩子時(shí)，等于在告訴孩子，哭不是一種好的行為，他的情緒不重要，他的感受不重要，他被一票否決了，想想這有多糟糕！
 
如果我們不強(qiáng)求孩子止住哭聲，而是陪在他身邊，用簡單的一兩句話表達(dá)對他的理解，之后安靜地等待他哭一兩分鐘，我們會(huì)很驚訝地發(fā)現(xiàn)，小家伙的哭聲會(huì)越來越小，并逐漸歸于平靜。一旦平靜下來，孩子的臉上就會(huì)露出滿意的神情，甚至還可能破涕為笑，轉(zhuǎn)而開開心心去做別的事情。
 
也許有些父母會(huì)擔(dān)憂：若不阻止他哭，他豈不變成一個(gè)小小“愛哭鬼”？實(shí)際上，這種擔(dān)憂是多余的。隨著年齡的增長，孩子哭的幾率會(huì)逐漸降低。允許孩子想哭的時(shí)候哭一會(huì)兒，他的需求得到滿足，內(nèi)在才會(huì)更加充滿力量，他才能變得更堅(jiān)強(qiáng)，愛哭的可能性反而越小。
 
當(dāng)然，如果我們沒完沒了用言語去安慰孩子，或者給他講道理，這樣的方式相當(dāng)于在不斷地將孩子拉回不愉悅的體驗(yàn)之中。那么，孩子越是被安慰，越是聽到各種道理，他就越難以安撫。
 
當(dāng)孩子有情緒時(shí)，平和淡定地面對，適度共情，適度安撫，并不被孩子的情緒所左右，以情緒應(yīng)對情緒，孩子的情緒很快就會(huì)云淡風(fēng)輕。
 

※你可以做的：讓孩子發(fā)現(xiàn)更多表達(dá)情緒的途徑※

 
除了允許孩子哭，我們還可以有所作為，引導(dǎo)孩子掌握更多處理情緒的技巧。當(dāng)孩子反應(yīng)激烈時(shí)，不妨試試以下的方法：
 
●涂鴉
 
跟孩子一起，用紙筆將他的不高興畫出來。為了更貼近孩子，我們也可以找一個(gè)令我們自己不高興的理由，跟他一起畫，一邊畫一邊講述，在這個(gè)畫與講述的過程中，孩子的情緒很自然就流淌出來。事后，我們還可以將畫出來的不高興做個(gè)了結(jié)。如將它撕碎、燒掉，或者埋進(jìn)土里，關(guān)進(jìn)黑屋子里……
 
●編故事
 
故事比說教更能打動(dòng)孩子。找一些跟情緒處理相關(guān)的繪本，跟孩子一起閱讀、討論，他自然就在沒有壓力的前提下習(xí)得了更多處理情緒的方式。如果沒有合適的繪本，可以隨口編一個(gè)故事講給孩子聽。甚至可以講一個(gè)自己小時(shí)候的故事，讓孩子意識(shí)到爸爸媽媽小時(shí)候也會(huì)遇到同樣的問題，這些沒什么大不了，總會(huì)有恰當(dāng)?shù)姆绞娇梢越鉀Q問題。
 
●設(shè)立情緒發(fā)泄角
 
給孩子買個(gè)塑膠不倒翁，或者準(zhǔn)備一個(gè)大枕頭、廢棄的報(bào)刊等，放在某個(gè)角落。每當(dāng)他不高興的時(shí)候，可以去這個(gè)固定的隱秘角落發(fā)泄一番。如果孩子能通過拳擊、踢打、撕扯等方式將情緒發(fā)泄出去，自然就不會(huì)通過傷害自己、他人與影響環(huán)境的方式釋放情緒。
 
除了以上這些，我們還可以平靜地抱孩子一會(huì)兒，撫摸他的小身子，提供給他玩水的機(jī)會(huì)……許許多多的方式都可以有效地幫助孩子釋放情緒。
 
總之，情緒是人類與生俱來的本能，是我們應(yīng)對外部環(huán)境刺激的必然反應(yīng)，無所謂好壞。只要我們站在孩子的角度，細(xì)心體察他的感受，以他能夠接受，又安全的方式幫助他提供更多釋放情緒的技巧。面對那個(gè)脾氣暴躁，愛哭鬧的小家伙，我們自可以氣定神閑，少了很多糾結(jié)。

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