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寶媽陪伴寶寶時(shí)間少怎么辦？別怕時(shí)間少質(zhì)量來(lái)湊！

出處：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集日期：2024-07-25 14:26:11編輯：秩名

親子陪量不夠質(zhì)來(lái)補(bǔ)

 
親子陪伴少了，孩子問(wèn)題便多了。親子陪伴的重要性，已經(jīng)是不容置疑的事實(shí)。但是由于這樣那樣的原因，我們總是時(shí)間嚴(yán)重匱乏，或者很郁悶地發(fā)現(xiàn)，我們陪得越多，孩子越是糾纏不休。那么，如何才能讓親子陪伴變得更輕松，并能發(fā)揮更好的效用呢？
 

※苦惱：陪伴寶寶的時(shí)間太少了※

 
出生后的頭幾年，渴望爸爸媽媽的陪伴，是孩子最大的需求。這種需求若得不到滿足，孩子就可能出現(xiàn)各種各樣的狀況，諸如安全感缺失、膽小、自主探索意識(shí)不強(qiáng)，甚至還可能出現(xiàn)比上述更嚴(yán)重的問(wèn)題。
 
常常有家長(zhǎng)發(fā)問(wèn)：“我家寶寶跟我不親，我在與不在，他都無(wú)所謂。這是怎么回事兒？”“我家寶寶太黏人，現(xiàn)在我自己帶，每天陪他的時(shí)間已經(jīng)足夠多了。但是，只要我在家，連上洗手間都走不開(kāi)，怎么辦？”每逢此時(shí)，我總是反問(wèn)：“你陪伴孩子的時(shí)間多嗎？”若細(xì)究下去，我們常常會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，孩子之所以如此，大多數(shù)情況都是源于爸爸媽媽陪伴孩子太少，或者陪伴不得法，以致孩子的心理需求沒(méi)有被滿足，不得不以這種方式表達(dá)自己渴望與爸爸媽媽在一起的需求。
 
然而，很多爸爸媽媽抱怨工作忙，沒(méi)時(shí)間陪孩子，加上工作壓力大，工作一天下來(lái)，往往筋疲力盡，就算有點(diǎn)時(shí)間陪孩子，也是力不從心。確實(shí)，當(dāng)我們身心俱疲時(shí)，陪孩子就成了一件考驗(yàn)我們耐心、愛(ài)心、意志力和陪伴技巧的“麻煩事”。這種無(wú)可奈何的心境，我能理解。那么，這種沖突是否就沒(méi)有解決的希望了呢？當(dāng)然不是！
 

※親子陪伴質(zhì)與量：孰輕孰重？※

 
要解決時(shí)間太少與孩子陪伴需求不足的矛盾，先要了解滿足孩子陪伴需求的兩大要素，一是時(shí)間的多寡，二是陪伴的質(zhì)量。因?yàn)楦鞣N原因，時(shí)間的多寡，我們不那么好掌控，但陪伴的質(zhì)量卻是我們可以掌控的。然而，我很遺憾地觀察到，不少爸爸媽媽陪伴孩子時(shí)，不僅時(shí)間不夠，而且陪伴的質(zhì)量也很低，或者雖然陪伴的時(shí)間不少，但是因?yàn)榕惆榈馁|(zhì)量極低，以致這種陪伴成了無(wú)效的陪伴。
 
孩子具有直指人心的本能。當(dāng)我們陪伴他時(shí)心不在焉，帶有敷衍性質(zhì)，甚至隱隱地流露出哪怕是一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)的不耐煩，孩子均悉知悉見(jiàn)。因?yàn)榭床坏轿覀兊恼\(chéng)意，孩子會(huì)有不被愛(ài)，不被關(guān)注，被忽略，被冷落的感覺(jué)，于是，他不得不就此做出回應(yīng)：要么放棄對(duì)我們的期待，轉(zhuǎn)而去依戀其他撫養(yǎng)人，要么想盡辦法讓我們注意到他——“永不知足”地黏著我們，或者讓自己出現(xiàn)各種問(wèn)題，甚至有的孩子通過(guò)生病來(lái)讓我們“看到”他、關(guān)注他。即便是那些轉(zhuǎn)而依戀其他人的孩子，他對(duì)父母的“無(wú)所謂”也僅僅是一種表象而已，他的內(nèi)在如何波濤洶涌，是我們難以察覺(jué)的。當(dāng)我們?cè)噲D重新與之建立連接，孩子會(huì)有短暫的抗拒，隨后便是異乎尋常的黏人，黏得令爸爸媽媽恐懼。而他不過(guò)以此來(lái)確認(rèn)我們的回應(yīng)是否真實(shí)，是否具有誠(chéng)意。一旦確認(rèn)，并且需求得到滿足，孩子天翻地覆的變化是我們可以期待的。孩子如此用心良苦，我們又怎能視若無(wú)睹呢？
 
看到上述的描述，或許我們會(huì)很慌張：若孩子如此，我們又該如何面對(duì)？其實(shí)，孩子比我們想象的容易被滿足，只要我們陪伴他時(shí)，身在，心在，完全放松全然享受地跟他在一起，那么孩子一定能感受到我們的誠(chéng)意，他因此而滿足，因滿足而安全感十足，因安全感十足而將視線從我們的身上轉(zhuǎn)向外面，他才會(huì)走出去，享受探索的樂(lè)趣。
 
相比較而言，陪伴的質(zhì)量遠(yuǎn)勝于陪伴的數(shù)量。了解這個(gè)秘密，我們就可以更好地站在孩子角度思考，去滿足他，為他成長(zhǎng)提供更多滋養(yǎng)，也讓我們的陪伴少一份沉重感。
 

※親子陪有妙招：量不夠質(zhì)來(lái)補(bǔ)※

 
要提高陪伴的質(zhì)量，首先要確保身在心也在。
 
身在心在是衡量陪伴質(zhì)量高低的一個(gè)重要指標(biāo)。當(dāng)我們陪伴孩子時(shí)，把手機(jī)放下，工作放下，煩惱放下，焦慮放下，一切與當(dāng)下跟孩子游戲無(wú)關(guān)的全都放下，并且享受與孩子在一起，那么，哪怕這個(gè)時(shí)間比平時(shí)短，也比我們心不甘情不愿花很多時(shí)間陪伴孩子效果好得多。一旦孩子的心理需求被滿足了，他們常常比成人好說(shuō)話得多。不僅如此，陪伴孩子的這幾年，在我們作為父母的人生旅途中是如此短暫，現(xiàn)在不珍惜，將來(lái)悔之晚矣。而且，它帶給我們的不僅僅是美好回憶，也給了我們成長(zhǎng)的機(jī)會(huì)。所以有句話說(shuō)得好：孩子的到來(lái)是為了幫助父母成長(zhǎng)。孩子帶給我們的，遠(yuǎn)比我們付出的多得多，有價(jià)值得多。只是這個(gè)真相，許多人都要在N年之后才能察覺(jué)。現(xiàn)在就明白這點(diǎn)，對(duì)我們來(lái)說(shuō)何其重要！
 
其次，當(dāng)陪伴與我們急需處理的事情有沖突時(shí)，我們可以嘗試變通，將我們要處理的事情與孩子的游戲關(guān)聯(lián)起來(lái)，成為一個(gè)大型游戲的一部分。如此，我們便只是分擔(dān)游戲中不同的角色與任務(wù)，而無(wú)須與孩子分離，讓他有被忽略的感覺(jué)。如此，我們只需偶爾跟孩子互動(dòng)一下，各自“游戲”便可以相安無(wú)事，而且彼此都享受其中。而孩子，不僅享受了與爸爸媽媽共同游戲的時(shí)光，也在游戲中學(xué)會(huì)了獨(dú)處，并自得其樂(lè)。他就不會(huì)因?yàn)槿狈ε惆槎霈F(xiàn)各種問(wèn)題，也不會(huì)因過(guò)度陪伴而變得過(guò)于依賴爸爸媽媽，喪失自主游戲的欲望與能力。
 
當(dāng)然，有的時(shí)候，我們依然會(huì)感覺(jué)到缺乏與孩子游戲的技巧。那么，當(dāng)我們不確定該如何陪伴孩子時(shí)，請(qǐng)跟隨孩子，用心回應(yīng)他發(fā)起的每個(gè)游戲吧！哪怕這個(gè)游戲在我們看來(lái)很幼稚，很無(wú)聊，甚至很傻，只要這個(gè)游戲不隱含不健康的因素，并且孩子享受，那么，它就一定是有意義的，對(duì)孩子的成長(zhǎng)就是有幫助的。
 
愛(ài)孩子，就請(qǐng)用“心”陪伴孩子吧！

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