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孩子太聽(tīng)話 是父母最大的失敗

出處：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集日期：2025-01-17 13:03:46編輯：秩名
孩子太聽(tīng)話 是父母最大的失敗
　常常聽(tīng)到身邊的媽媽抱怨：
 
　　“我家的熊孩子，最近總是喜歡跟我對(duì)著干……”
 
　　“我家的也是，讓他往東，他偏往西，怎么說(shuō)也不聽(tīng)。”
 
　　“比起我家的，你們的孩子那都叫乖了，我家孩子才是真正的不聽(tīng)話……”
 
　　似乎這個(gè)話題，是無(wú)數(shù)媽媽的痛點(diǎn)，大家都希望自己的孩子乖一點(diǎn)，這樣帶起來(lái)就省心多了。
 
 
　　然而，如果你的孩子真的很聽(tīng)話，你真的會(huì)高興嗎?
 
　　每個(gè)孩子都應(yīng)該是獨(dú)一無(wú)二的存在
 
　　你們的孩子，都不是你們的孩子，乃是“生命”為自己所渴望的兒女;他們是借你們而來(lái)，卻不是從你們而來(lái);他們雖和你們同在，卻不屬于你們。
 
　　——紀(jì)伯倫《先知》
 
　　幾年前，我作為一個(gè)工作人員參加一門(mén)親子活動(dòng)，活動(dòng)結(jié)束后有一個(gè)拍合照的環(huán)節(jié)，孩子們都嘻嘻哈哈地?cái)D在鏡頭前，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)人群中有一個(gè)略顯羞澀的女孩，不太愿意站到隊(duì)伍的前面，但明顯她被前面的孩子擋住了。
 
　　孩子的媽媽發(fā)現(xiàn)后，立刻要求孩子站到前面來(lái)：“路路，你站到前面來(lái)!”孩子乖乖地站到了前面。攝影師拍了一張后，孩子?jì)屃⒖逃职l(fā)現(xiàn)不對(duì)勁了：“路路，你剛才都沒(méi)笑，笑一個(gè)，開(kāi)心點(diǎn)。”聽(tīng)完媽媽的指令，孩子在接下來(lái)的幾張照片中，都遵從媽媽的旨意，乖乖地笑出幾顆牙齒。接下來(lái)，孩子?jì)層钟X(jué)得孩子的動(dòng)作太單一了，邊示范邊提醒孩子說(shuō)：“你比一下這個(gè)動(dòng)作，像媽媽這樣……”
 
　　小姑娘真的很乖，媽媽每說(shuō)的一句話都照做了，然而作為旁觀者的我，卻怎么都覺(jué)得孩子笑得并不開(kāi)心。而其他孩子，大多數(shù)都在鏡頭前留下了他們最童真燦爛的笑容，這些笑容才真的是一個(gè)孩子應(yīng)該有的啊!
 
　　你確定你不是個(gè)愛(ài)控制的媽媽?
 
　　很多媽媽可能會(huì)想：這個(gè)媽媽太極端了，我不是這樣的媽媽。
 
　　而事實(shí)卻是，大部分媽媽在某種程度上，都渴望自己的孩子乖乖聽(tīng)話，只要大人說(shuō)什么，孩子都照做不誤。
 
　　不過(guò)幸好的是，孩子雖然幼小，但他們都有一股內(nèi)在的力量，推動(dòng)著他們成為獨(dú)一無(wú)二自己。隨著成長(zhǎng)，他們的自主意識(shí)慢慢形成，當(dāng)初那個(gè)抱在懷里露出天使般笑容的家伙，轉(zhuǎn)眼間就變成了一個(gè)愛(ài)和你作對(duì)的“小惡魔”。他們自我獨(dú)立的愿望和需求非常強(qiáng)烈，如果你對(duì)他的控制變得太多了，小家伙會(huì)撅起嘴告訴你：我不!
 
　　孩子會(huì)說(shuō)“不”，別光顧著生悶氣了，從某種程度上來(lái)說(shuō)，你應(yīng)該高興，因?yàn)楹⒆硬](méi)有成為一個(gè)只會(huì)聽(tīng)指令的“呆娃娃”，要是覺(jué)得媽媽的做法不對(duì)了，他還敢于做出反抗。如果你嘗試一下改變自己以往的應(yīng)對(duì)模式，耐心蹲下來(lái)，問(wèn)問(wèn)孩子：“能告訴媽媽為什么嗎?”也許孩子的回答，會(huì)讓你重新認(rèn)識(shí)這個(gè)問(wèn)題：原來(lái)孩子是這么想的，我還以為他是不聽(tīng)話，其實(shí)孩子只是……(我只是想專(zhuān)注地玩這個(gè)玩具，不被打斷;我只是想得到你們更多的關(guān)注;內(nèi)什么，你們大人不要想太多，我只是想說(shuō)‘不’，來(lái)感受自己的存在而已……)
 
　　恭喜，你有一個(gè)不那么“聽(tīng)話”的孩子
 
　　為什么當(dāng)?shù)鶍尩?，都?huì)本能地希望自己的孩子很聽(tīng)話?究其原因，不外乎這兩點(diǎn)：
 
　　1、孩子聽(tīng)話，做他們爹媽就太省心了。要是攤上一個(gè)“熊孩子”，那是要操碎心的節(jié)奏啊!
 
　　2、當(dāng)?shù)鶍尩模呐K不夠強(qiáng)大，怕孩子行差踏錯(cuò)，希望孩子按照自己的路走，這樣就不會(huì)有什么差錯(cuò)了。
 
　　然而孩子不乖，真的那么可怕嗎?
 
　　如果你有一個(gè)不太聽(tīng)話的孩子，反過(guò)來(lái)，你看看他身上是不是有這樣的優(yōu)點(diǎn)：充滿(mǎn)童真、有自己的想法、有主見(jiàn)、獨(dú)立、機(jī)靈、聰明、精力旺盛……
 
　　如果一個(gè)孩子很聽(tīng)話，可能他的優(yōu)點(diǎn)就只剩下很聽(tīng)話了。
 
　　孩子在本該調(diào)皮搗蛋的年齡，就應(yīng)該充滿(mǎn)童真，遵循自己內(nèi)在的力量去成長(zhǎng)。而我們大人要做的，不是著眼于細(xì)節(jié)，要求孩子的細(xì)節(jié)上處處都聽(tīng)爸媽的，作為孩子的父母，我們要做的，是幫助孩子樹(shù)立正確的價(jià)值觀，讓他知道什么是對(duì)的事情。
 
　　人天生就有趨利避害的本能，孩子也一樣，我們作為他最信任、最依賴(lài)的爸爸媽媽?zhuān)趺磿?huì)有意和我們作對(duì)?別把孩子想得太壞了，他們也不想這么“熊”，只是他們有自己成長(zhǎng)的力量，想按照自己的方式來(lái)成長(zhǎng)，來(lái)成為獨(dú)一無(wú)二的自己，僅此而已!
 
　　老一輩的觀念認(rèn)為，子不教，父子過(guò)，孩子就是要聽(tīng)大人的話，以后才不會(huì)走上歪路。但是跳出這個(gè)框框來(lái)看，孩子在一個(gè)非原則的事情上得以“放縱”了，在“原則”的問(wèn)題面前，才不會(huì)越雷池半步。常常聽(tīng)到很多人感嘆養(yǎng)孩子太累，問(wèn)題的根源不是孩子天生不聽(tīng)話，而是我們管得太多了。

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