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再難 也要陪孩子度過這段時(shí)間

出處：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集日期：2025-01-17 12:57:15編輯：秩名
再難 也要陪孩子度過這段時(shí)間
 
　　孩子出生第一年，家里老人經(jīng)常勸我：“城里的生活壓力那么大，不如把孩子送回老家給我們帶吧!趁我們還有力氣，幫你帶幾年，你好專心做你的工作，打拼你的事業(yè)……”
 
　　說我從來沒有動(dòng)搖過，這是假的!畢竟在房?jī)r(jià)物價(jià)都在飛漲的城市里生活，每個(gè)人都有很大的壓力!
 
　　但是，“把孩子送回老家”這個(gè)念頭出現(xiàn)在我腦海沒多久，就被我打消了。（關(guān)注微信訂閱號(hào)：朵媽親子時(shí)光，聊聊親子育兒那些事）
 
 
　　我問了自己三個(gè)問題：
 
　　1、如果不陪伴在孩子身邊，哪天她見到我，會(huì)覺得我很陌生嗎?
 
　　2、如果不陪伴在孩子身邊，她開口叫的第一個(gè)人不是“媽媽”，我會(huì)難過嗎?
 
　　3、如果不陪伴在孩子的身邊，我不知道她在慢慢長(zhǎng)大，不知道她在學(xué)爬、學(xué)走，沒有看到她邁出人生的第一步，我會(huì)后悔嗎?
 
　　一個(gè)堅(jiān)定的聲音告訴我：會(huì)!
 
　　于是就算有再多的困難，我也選擇把孩子帶在自己的身邊!就算我不能給孩子提供那么優(yōu)渥的生活、每個(gè)月我的花銷會(huì)更多、下班后我會(huì)忙成陀螺、累成狗……但我也不會(huì)后悔!因?yàn)?mdash;—
 
　　1、孩子3歲前，父母的陪伴太重要了!
 
　　心理學(xué)家哈洛曾經(jīng)做過一個(gè)非常著名的“母愛剝奪實(shí)驗(yàn)”：
 
　　實(shí)驗(yàn)的初步研究
 
　　研究者把剛出生不久的小猴放進(jìn)了一個(gè)籠子中養(yǎng)育，并且用兩個(gè)假猴子來代替猴子的媽媽：
 
　　一個(gè)“猴子?jì)寢?rdquo;由鐵絲纏繞而成，觸覺冰冷，但是它的胸前安置了一個(gè)可以提供奶水的奶頭，只要小猴餓了，就能從中吸出奶水;
 
　　另一個(gè)“猴子?jì)寢?rdquo;由絨布做成，笑容可掬，有著柔軟而溫暖的懷抱。但可惜的是它的乳房里吸不到奶，沒法給小猴們提供任何的食物。
 
　　按照“有奶便是娘”的說法，大家都會(huì)以為小猴們會(huì)更喜歡第一個(gè)“猴子?jì)寢?rdquo;。然而研究者發(fā)現(xiàn)，只有餓的時(shí)候，小猴們才去找“鐵絲媽媽”，其余大部分時(shí)間都依偎在“絨布媽媽”的懷里，緊緊抱住它，似乎“絨布媽媽”會(huì)給小猴們帶來更多的安全感。
 
　　實(shí)驗(yàn)的后續(xù)
 
　　但是，畢竟這個(gè)“絨布媽媽”僅僅是觸覺柔軟、笑容溫暖，它并不是真正意義上的媽媽，無法給嬰兒時(shí)期的小猴帶來真正的母愛。
 
　　后來，研究者把長(zhǎng)大了的猴子們放回到猴群中，發(fā)現(xiàn)這些從小缺乏母愛的猴子，基本上都表現(xiàn)出冷漠孤僻、不合群等各種心理問題，甚至發(fā)情期也不會(huì)懂交配或拒絕交配。即使人工受孕生下了小猴，它們也會(huì)殘忍地虐待自己的孩子、或直接咬死。
 
　　哈洛的這個(gè)實(shí)驗(yàn)有點(diǎn)殘忍，但是給了人類很多啟示，并顛覆了傳統(tǒng)的育兒觀念。在此之前，人們并沒有深刻地認(rèn)識(shí)到父母的陪伴，對(duì)一個(gè)孩子的成長(zhǎng)有多重要。大家都以為養(yǎng)育孩子，只要保證孩子能“吃飽穿暖”就足夠了。
 
　　但是實(shí)驗(yàn)結(jié)果告訴我們，一個(gè)有智力有情感的生命，會(huì)本能地渴求父母的肌膚之親、溫暖的懷抱、慈愛的眼神以及輕柔的話語。這些因素，都是保證孩子健康成長(zhǎng)不可或缺的因素。孩子能從父母的陪伴中得到充足的安全感和愉快的情感體驗(yàn)，這是孩子擁有健康人格的基礎(chǔ)。
 
　　否則，等到孩子長(zhǎng)大了，再想來彌補(bǔ)ta內(nèi)心的空缺，這時(shí)已經(jīng)遲了!
 
 
　　2、愛孩子，就要舍得在孩子身上花時(shí)間
 
　　十月懷胎生下孩子，如果沒有給予孩子親密的陪伴，我們也只是孩子生理上的媽媽，而不是心理上的媽媽，因?yàn)椋?/div>
 
　　母子情深，是在一次次喂奶哄睡換尿布中建立起來的;
 
　　親密關(guān)系，是在一天天的游戲玩耍陪伴中發(fā)展起來的;
 
　　安全感，是在長(zhǎng)年累月無休止的關(guān)愛中累積起來的……
 
　　也許我們?cè)?jīng)有過一個(gè)這樣的疑慮：“你說為什么，我們的孩子會(huì)這樣黏媽媽呢?”
 
　　還不是因?yàn)槟銖暮⒆拥纳蹰_始，就毫無怨言地陪伴在ta身邊，甘之如飴、不求回報(bào)地滿足ta的一切需求?
 
　　3、最重要的3年，做最重要的事!
 
　　誠(chéng)然，沒有哪個(gè)父母是不愛孩子的。
 
　　有些爸爸媽媽不得不和寶貝分開，也只是想趁自己年輕，多拼一點(diǎn)，讓孩子接下來有更好的生活。
 
　　但是，我們很可能搞錯(cuò)了什么才是對(duì)孩子更重要的。我們以為，愛孩子，就要讓他住更好的房子、上更好的學(xué)校、穿更好的衣服鞋子……
 
　　不!這些我們看得見摸得著的東西，在孩子眼里只是浮云。反而看不見、摸不著的愛和關(guān)注，才是孩子真真切切需要的!
 
　　捫心自問，我們?yōu)槔习遒u命打工或者自己拼死拼活地創(chuàng)業(yè)，三年后就能過上我們想要的生活了嗎?
 
　　很大程度上，并不能!飛漲的房?jī)r(jià)物價(jià)，只會(huì)讓3年后的我們更加望塵莫及。
 
　　然而，把握好對(duì)孩子成長(zhǎng)至關(guān)重要的這3年，給予ta最真切的陪伴，這才是最有價(jià)值的3年!否則，錯(cuò)過了孩子成長(zhǎng)的關(guān)鍵期，甚至讓孩子的身心發(fā)展出現(xiàn)問題，這才是最讓我們追悔莫及的。
 
　　還是那句老話，珍惜孩子最需要你的時(shí)光吧!再不陪陪ta，ta就長(zhǎng)大了!（關(guān)注微信訂閱號(hào)：朵媽親子時(shí)光，聊聊親子育兒那些事）
 
　　而那些每天都陪伴著孩子的媽媽，朵媽想給你們豎起大拇指，帶好自己的娃，的確是一件再平凡不過的事了，然而這真是一件很偉大的事!

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