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我罵你是為你好 這樣教對(duì)嗎

出處：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集日期：2025-01-15 18:51:56編輯：秩名
圖片來(lái)源：太平洋親子網(wǎng)
　　作為父母，我們都希望能盡自己最大的可能去教育好自己的孩子，讓孩子健康快樂成長(zhǎng)，成為一個(gè)優(yōu)秀的人?？墒浅霭l(fā)點(diǎn)十分正確的我們卻可能因?yàn)橐痪?ldquo;為你好“陷進(jìn)一種可怕的教育邏輯中。你會(huì)常對(duì)孩子說“為你好“嗎?
 
 
　　“為你好“這句話幾乎無(wú)處不在，小的時(shí)候，你爸爸媽媽會(huì)對(duì)你說，老師會(huì)對(duì)你說，你幾乎是浸在這樣的句式中長(zhǎng)大的。神奇的是，這句式居然什么行為動(dòng)作都能套進(jìn)去呢!
 
　　我罵你是為你好，我打你是為你好，我不讓你和同學(xué)出去玩是為你好，我來(lái)拿你和別人家的孩子比是為你好，長(zhǎng)大了干涉擇業(yè)，催婚逼婚通通都可以套上一句“為你好”。今天，同樣和大家分享兩個(gè)身邊小故事，其實(shí)都是一些很普遍的現(xiàn)象。
 
　　故事一
 
　　這是發(fā)生在星星一個(gè)小堂姐身上的故事。我們家族每年年初八都會(huì)在搞一次家庭聚會(huì)。大人們會(huì)做做拿手好菜一起分享，聊聊天什么的。孩子們會(huì)一起玩鬧，本來(lái)場(chǎng)面甚是溫馨可貴。
 
　　每每晚飯之后，孩子們又有了新的精氣神繼續(xù)做小游戲的時(shí)候，星星的小堂姐Joo的媽媽就會(huì)開始在她身邊催促她，叫她趕緊收拾心情，要準(zhǔn)備回家練琴了。
 
　　星星的小堂姐Joo今年6歲，4歲的時(shí)候開始學(xué)習(xí)鋼琴，每天練琴至少3個(gè)小時(shí)以上。平時(shí)孩子有各自的日程表，爸媽們也各自忙于工作，難得過年相聚一天，孩子們當(dāng)時(shí)正在用撲克牌玩著一種叫作“拍棉花”的游戲。前一秒，還聽見Joo很爽朗的笑聲，下一秒就聽見她在那里哇哇大哭。同時(shí)還伴隨著她媽媽的大聲指責(zé)——
 
　　上次去老師家，老師說你指法還不熟悉，還多加練習(xí)。都要考級(jí)了，叫你回家，還在這里玩玩玩!你知道我為了你練琴，花了多少錢多少精力嗎!哭什么哭，還不是為你好!
 
　　Joo兩頰通紅，小手?jǐn)€的很緊。眼淚嘩啦啦地流。原來(lái)，玩性正起的Joo在媽媽的催促下還是很想多留下來(lái)玩一會(huì)，于是心急的媽媽掐了她一下，在加上一頓“為你好”言語(yǔ)炮彈，這個(gè)6歲的小女孩百口莫辯，只能委屈地大聲哭起來(lái)了。
 
　　社會(huì)的競(jìng)爭(zhēng)及激烈、殘酷，很多爸媽更是為了讓自己的孩子能夠贏在起跑線上，總是費(fèi)心費(fèi)力地為孩子安排輔導(dǎo)班，興趣愛好班等等。爸爸媽媽工作繁忙，生活瑣事雜多，有時(shí)候?qū)χ⒆泳腿菀讻]有耐心。其實(shí)誰(shuí)都沒有辦法辯駁，父母為了孩子好的真心?？墒鞘欠裰灰蛑?ldquo;為你好”的便簽，就能不顧方法，無(wú)視技巧地橫沖直撞嗎?
 
　　答案自然是否定的。只是平時(shí)我們總是慣性地沒有去思考過這個(gè)問題而已。每個(gè)人都有放松自己和偷小懶的時(shí)候，我們是不是應(yīng)該可以和孩子商量再作出約定，比如我們?cè)偻娴綆c(diǎn)幾點(diǎn)，我們就應(yīng)該回家繼續(xù)練琴了?；蛘呓裉旖o你放假玩耍，但是明天要比平時(shí)多練習(xí)2個(gè)小時(shí)哦!
 
　　給孩子一定的選擇余地，而不是硬生生地要求一個(gè)心智未全的孩子立刻放下手中的玩具跟你去學(xué)習(xí)，或者只會(huì)在所有人面前一直不停地念叨著：媽媽這是為你好!
 
　　一來(lái)，這會(huì)讓一個(gè)已經(jīng)有了羞恥心的孩子在大庭廣眾之下，特別是在自己的小伙伴的面前無(wú)法抬頭，不能自處。另一方面會(huì)削弱她和你的親密感。最后，這樣的行為還會(huì)間接負(fù)面影響孩子對(duì)于學(xué)習(xí)的興趣。
 
　　故事二
 
　　還有個(gè)隔壁鄰居的孩子叫芳芳，小姑娘今年才剛上小學(xué)。我總是能時(shí)不時(shí)地聽到她媽媽厲聲訓(xùn)斥她，這漢語(yǔ)拼音背了多少遍了，為什么總是記不下來(lái)!你為什么老是這么笨啊!有這么難嗎?為什么老是默寫錯(cuò)誤呢!
 
　　接著就是孩子大段時(shí)間的哭泣。然后中間就總會(huì)夾雜著她媽媽的“安慰”——媽媽罵你這也是為了你學(xué)習(xí)能好，知道嗎?媽媽是愛的你，不然媽媽怎么不罵隔壁家的孩子就罵你一人呢?
 
　　聽完我也是哭笑不得。有時(shí)候家長(zhǎng)的神邏輯你根本也無(wú)力辯駁。“媽媽罵你是為你好，不然媽媽怎么去罵別人家的孩子呢。”聽著好像沒錯(cuò)，可是仔細(xì)想想這當(dāng)中的邏輯，卻多少有些蠻橫。因?yàn)楸局鴮?duì)孩子好的真心，不論言行是否得到，教育是否有效，這樣的邏輯原本就是沒有道理的。
 
　　當(dāng)孩子的學(xué)習(xí)出現(xiàn)問題，我們是不是應(yīng)該靜下來(lái)幫助孩子分析緣由。是學(xué)習(xí)狀態(tài)不好，學(xué)習(xí)的時(shí)候不能集中注意力，還是學(xué)習(xí)方法出現(xiàn)了問題了呢?我們應(yīng)該理智地尋求解決問題方法，而不是一味地只是責(zé)怪孩子不好好學(xué)習(xí)，斷定孩子笨，沒有用功······有沒有想過表面上你的責(zé)怪是為了孩子好，實(shí)際上，那只是你情緒的宣泄，那并不是孩子要的所謂的“好”。
 
 
　　我們明明是真心為了孩子好，卻反而讓孩子反感，不能接受，這是一種教育失敗。我們明明是孩子最親密無(wú)間的親人，可是卻偏偏用了最尖酸刻薄的生硬方式去和孩子說話。
 
　　我們明明是為了孩子好，卻用了孩子最不能接受的方式。最后孩子也得不到最好的教育效果，爸媽們也會(huì)因?yàn)楹⒆拥牟宦牴芙潭麄摹?/div>
 
　
 
　　所以，爸爸媽媽們，下次在和孩子說“為你好”之前，請(qǐng)用最合理的方式對(duì)待孩子。而不是打著這旗號(hào)，做著最無(wú)效的溝通!

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