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孩子越懂事越可憐 你是否贊同

出處：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集日期：2024-11-13 18:36:28編輯：秩名
孩子越懂事越可憐 你是否贊同
　　你希望自己的娃是個(gè)懂事的孩子嗎?
 
　　估計(jì)大部分媽媽都希望這樣，因?yàn)檫@樣帶娃就省心多了!但有些媽媽可能會認(rèn)為，孩子太懂事，未必是一件值得高興的事。（
　　最近，某報(bào)社針對“懂事的孩子，最可憐”這個(gè)話題，對2000人進(jìn)行了調(diào)查。65.3%的被調(diào)查者覺得，自己從小就是那個(gè)“懂事”的孩子;僅19.1%的受訪者認(rèn)為懂事的孩子比“熊孩子”更快樂。
 
　　于是很多家長又開始被調(diào)查結(jié)果誤導(dǎo)了——支持的一方認(rèn)同了“懂事的孩子，最可憐”的觀點(diǎn);反對的一方，無論如何也接受不了“熊孩子”更幸福的論調(diào)。
 
 
　　作為一個(gè)孩子?jì)?，我的看法有以下幾點(diǎn)：
 
　　一、孩子懂事=順從，這算哪門子的成功教育?
 
　　親戚L跟我抱怨，自己的孩子小天經(jīng)常被別的孩子欺負(fù)，無論誰想要得到他手中的玩具，孩子都會馬上給。小天來我家玩過，孩子確實(shí)有點(diǎn)膽怯，只要?jiǎng)e人開口問他要東西，不管多不情愿，孩子都會給。
 
　　L很是郁悶，她和老公為人處事都是霸氣側(cè)漏，走路帶風(fēng)的……為啥孩子沒有遺傳到這一點(diǎn)，反而特別膽小呢?
 
　　針對L的困惑，我的想法是，她平時(shí)對孩子的要求過于嚴(yán)格了!例如，暑假我們聚餐，別的孩子都可以喝一小杯冰果汁，但是小天不可以。當(dāng)然在場的媽媽都會夸小天懂事，L也對自己的教育成果感到很滿意……但是，我明明就看到了孩子對冰果汁那種渴望的眼神。
 
　　如果孩子的懂事，僅僅是因?yàn)楹ε麓笕说臋?quán)威，那就變成了順從。表面上，這樣的管教會非常省心，但這樣會有一個(gè)非常大的“副作用”——孩子會常常壓抑自己的需求，對外界只敢說“好”、“可以”、“沒關(guān)系”……這就變成了溫吞、隱忍、怯懦。
 
　　二、懂事的另一種涵義
 
　　懂事有兩種含義，一種是上面提到的順從、溫吞、隱忍、怯懦，這種孩子，也就是大多數(shù)人眼里很“乖”的孩子。但是這種懂事并非孩子真的懂事理，而是在父母的權(quán)威教育下，被迫地學(xué)會了“察言觀色”。從這個(gè)角度看，懂事的孩子的確有可憐之處。
 
　　另一種懂事，是孩子真正理解了“社會化行為”的意義和規(guī)則，逐漸掌握社會交往的技能，能夠按照社會規(guī)則行事。這是一種內(nèi)化了的“懂事”，孩子的行為符合家長對他的期許，并不是因?yàn)楹⒆雍ε录议L，想要通過自己的行為“討好”家長;而是孩子自己能判斷，哪些事情是可以做的，哪些是一定不能做的。
 
　　相比起來，我們都更愿意看到自己的孩子，是因?yàn)檎娴?ldquo;懂事”而“懂事”!
 
　　三、允許孩子說“不”，他才有機(jī)會“聽自己的話”
 
　　朋友H的孩子小繽5歲，前段時(shí)間學(xué)會了騎自行車，這種狂喜的感覺讓孩子從客廳到衛(wèi)生間都巴不得騎車，當(dāng)然這只是朋友的一個(gè)比喻而已。
 
　　上個(gè)周末我約H來我家吃飯，開門的時(shí)候，只看到了H，沒有看到小繽。H告訴我，小繽拒絕了坐她的車來，4公里多的路程，非要騎車，勸了好一會兒都不奏效，于是只好讓孩子爸陪著她騎車過來了。
 
　　過了好一會兒，小繽和她爸爸才終于到了。小繽一進(jìn)門就跟我說：“阿姨，我最近學(xué)會騎車了。今天是我第一次騎車上路，好害怕，差點(diǎn)撞了一條小狗，幸虧我剎車快……中間我們還休息了一次……”
 
　　孩子滔滔不絕地講著她的“騎車歷險(xiǎn)記”，大人們對此都非常感興趣。4公里多對一個(gè)5歲的孩子來說是一個(gè)不短的距離了!這種經(jīng)歷對孩子的成長很有幫助。也幸虧朋友沒有強(qiáng)迫孩子坐自己的車過來，孩子才有機(jī)會去體驗(yàn)一把!
 
　　回歸到“懂事”這個(gè)話題上來，媽媽要求小繽坐自己車出門，小繽果斷拒絕了!但我們看到的卻是一個(gè)“懂事”，卻敢于說“不”的孩子。由此，朋友H和5歲的小繽讓我認(rèn)識到了，在一些無關(guān)原則的事情上，多聽孩子的聲音，孩子才有機(jī)會按照自己的想法成長。
 
　　四、熊孩子不會更幸福，懂事的孩子也并不可憐
 
　　如果一個(gè)孩子講禮貌、守規(guī)則、識大局、知輕重、懂得尊重與關(guān)心他人……這樣一個(gè)懂事的孩子，你會覺得他很“可憐”嗎?
 
　　如果一個(gè)孩子不分場合發(fā)脾氣;只要是自己想要的，父母經(jīng)歷千辛萬苦都要給;只要他認(rèn)為自己是對的，老子天王都不能讓他認(rèn)錯(cuò)……這樣一個(gè)“熊孩子”，你會覺得他很“幸福”嗎?
 
　　我們當(dāng)中的部分人，之所以會有失偏頗地贊同“熊孩子會更幸福”，僅僅是因?yàn)槲覀冑澩渲幸粋€(gè)因素而已——“熊孩子”比“懂事”的孩子更了解自己的需求，并敢于提出來。
 
　　事實(shí)上，“熊孩子”并不會更幸福，因?yàn)榭?ldquo;撕心裂肺地哭鬧”或“滿地打滾”來達(dá)到目的的做法，并不值得仿效。
 
　　“懂事的孩子也并不可憐”，除非父母剝奪了孩子做決定的權(quán)力、事無巨細(xì)都壓制著孩子的想法，無視孩子的心聲。

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