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你以為孩子在討打 其實(shí)在討愛(ài)

出處：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集日期：2024-11-13 18:37:10編輯：秩名
你以為孩子在討打 其實(shí)在討愛(ài)
 
　　微博上曾經(jīng)有個(gè)話題討論“小時(shí)候缺愛(ài)是種什么體驗(yàn)?”，短短時(shí)間內(nèi)，6萬(wàn)人評(píng)論，其中包括：
 
　　1、別人以為你是高冷，其實(shí)你是自卑!
 
　　2、過(guò)早地成熟，不喜歡麻煩別人，怕別人覺(jué)得自己是個(gè)累贅，心里真正想要的從來(lái)沒(méi)有說(shuō)出口。
 
　　3、不期待、不依賴(lài)，一半時(shí)間產(chǎn)生負(fù)面情緒，然后花另一半的時(shí)間來(lái)消化情緒、安慰自己，整個(gè)人就是一個(gè)矛盾體。
 
　　4、對(duì)任何人都很客氣，不麻煩別人，不惹事(因?yàn)闆](méi)有人撐腰)。
 
　　……
 
 
　　但這些都是孩子長(zhǎng)大以后的心聲，在他們還小的時(shí)候，會(huì)通過(guò)一些“討打”的行為，來(lái)向自己的父母“討愛(ài)”!
 
　　一、不厭其煩地撒嬌
 
　　有些孩子的情感表達(dá)能力比較強(qiáng)，當(dāng)他意識(shí)到自己“缺愛(ài)”的時(shí)候，會(huì)不厭其煩地在父母面前撒嬌，一直嚷著“爸爸陪我玩”，或“媽媽我要抱”。盡管爸媽已經(jīng)多次拒絕，孩子還是不依不撓……
 
　　這時(shí)不要粗暴地認(rèn)為孩子任性不懂事，當(dāng)他還會(huì)通過(guò)口頭向你“討愛(ài)”，你應(yīng)該高興，這說(shuō)明孩子的“缺愛(ài)”情況還不嚴(yán)重。當(dāng)你拒絕的次數(shù)多了，孩子會(huì)形成“習(xí)得性無(wú)助”的心理，于是放棄向你撒嬌，過(guò)早地變成熟。
 
　　二、出現(xiàn)行為的倒退
 
　　孩子明明學(xué)會(huì)了吃飯，這段時(shí)間卻經(jīng)常嚷著要大人喂;孩子明明學(xué)會(huì)了自己上廁所，這段時(shí)間卻經(jīng)常尿褲子……
 
　　自立的孩子，突然又變成了依賴(lài)父母的小寶寶，這時(shí)爸爸媽媽不禁納悶，孩子這是怎么了?
 
　　很簡(jiǎn)單，孩子只是想通過(guò)這種方式，向你發(fā)出“求關(guān)注”的信號(hào)，期待你像對(duì)待小寶寶一樣愛(ài)撫他。
 
　　三、調(diào)皮搗蛋
 
　　另一部分孩子，會(huì)通過(guò)調(diào)皮搗蛋、搞破壞等行為，來(lái)引起爸爸媽媽的注意。如故意打爛家里的東西、干擾你正在進(jìn)行的工作、無(wú)視你發(fā)出的指令，或故意做出相反的行為等。
 
　　其實(shí)孩子并不想調(diào)皮搗蛋，但他會(huì)不由自主地表現(xiàn)出這樣的行為，因?yàn)橹挥羞@樣，爸爸媽媽的目光才會(huì)聚焦在自己身上。或者說(shuō)，你對(duì)孩子的無(wú)視，讓孩子感到憤怒了，他會(huì)通過(guò)耍賴(lài)的方式，來(lái)報(bào)復(fù)你對(duì)他的不關(guān)心。
 
　　孩子寧可被處罰，也不愿意被忽略。因?yàn)樵诤⒆涌磥?lái)，被忽略比處罰更痛苦!
 
　　四、無(wú)意識(shí)的自我傷害
 
　　無(wú)意識(shí)的自我傷害，是缺愛(ài)更嚴(yán)重的行為表現(xiàn)。當(dāng)孩子對(duì)父母的愛(ài)長(zhǎng)期得不到滿足，孩子可能會(huì)出現(xiàn)揪頭發(fā)、咬指甲、咬嘴唇、摳手等行為。
 
　　不少父母會(huì)以為是孩子的行為問(wèn)題，不知道孩子是在哪里學(xué)來(lái)的?到底模仿了誰(shuí)?事實(shí)上這是一種無(wú)意識(shí)的行為，孩子很想得到你的關(guān)愛(ài)，但是一直都得不到，長(zhǎng)期“缺愛(ài)”的壓力，使孩子出現(xiàn)無(wú)意識(shí)的自我傷害行為。
 
　　別簡(jiǎn)單地將孩子的以上行為看作是在“討打”，實(shí)際這時(shí)是父母最需要反思的時(shí)候：我有用心陪伴孩子嗎?我經(jīng)常抱他嗎?我給過(guò)他足夠的關(guān)愛(ài)嗎?
 
　　再忙也要擠出時(shí)間來(lái)滿足孩子，孩子的成長(zhǎng)只有一次。沒(méi)有非去不可的飯局，沒(méi)有非你不可的社交，只有瞬間長(zhǎng)大的娃!

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