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弄丟孩子的安全感 如何找回來(lái)

出處：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集日期：2025-01-14 16:16:17編輯：秩名
弄丟孩子的安全感 如何找回來(lái)
 
　　朵朵半歲斷奶后，我和朵爸都要上班，沒(méi)人照顧孩子，請(qǐng)保姆又不放心，只能把朵朵送回老家給爺爺奶奶帶。如果不是逼不得已，誰(shuí)也不愿意讓自己的孩子當(dāng)留守兒童。等到2歲之后，我把朵朵接回來(lái)身邊，發(fā)現(xiàn)孩子出現(xiàn)了一些問(wèn)題，特別是在與人交流方面，一開(kāi)始覺(jué)得孩子只是內(nèi)向?？墒锹l(fā)現(xiàn)，問(wèn)題越來(lái)越嚴(yán)重了。
 
　　比如帶孩子出去玩，走到人多的地方，她會(huì)很焦慮，要求繞道走。她害怕除家人以外的任何陌生人，害怕別人看著她，害怕別人對(duì)她熱情......用驚恐來(lái)形容她見(jiàn)到陌生人的表情，一點(diǎn)也不為過(guò)。孩子到底怎么了?
 
 
 
　　朵朵在家還算正常，會(huì)跟大人表達(dá)自己的需求。一旦離開(kāi)了家這個(gè)熟悉的環(huán)境，哪怕只是到小區(qū)樓下玩耍，她就開(kāi)始焦慮。主要表現(xiàn)在以下幾個(gè)方面：
 
　　不敢表達(dá)自己的需求，比如看到喜歡的玩具車(chē)，只會(huì)拉著大人去要，不敢自己去跟小朋友商量;
 
　　能用肢體動(dòng)作完成的事情，絕不會(huì)用語(yǔ)言來(lái)表達(dá)。換句話說(shuō)，能不開(kāi)口就不開(kāi)口，只會(huì)用搖頭、點(diǎn)頭等簡(jiǎn)單的肢體動(dòng)作來(lái)完成正常的交流;
 
　　見(jiàn)到人就躲。小區(qū)里面的滑梯只要有小朋友玩的，她都不愿意過(guò)去，一定要找沒(méi)人玩的滑梯。在電梯里面見(jiàn)到鄰居也是喜歡躲在大人身后;
 
　　說(shuō)話聲音很小，不敢直視別人的眼睛，當(dāng)別人關(guān)注她時(shí)，她還會(huì)把頭轉(zhuǎn)到另一邊去。
 
　　看到這里，你是不是也替朵媽著急，朵朵為什么會(huì)這么害羞、內(nèi)向、不自信，甚至連正常的交流都無(wú)法完成。說(shuō)句心里話，朵媽那個(gè)時(shí)候也是看在眼里，急在心里，但即使是這樣，我也不能把這些情緒表露出來(lái)，不想給孩子過(guò)多的心理負(fù)擔(dān)。
 
　　后來(lái)，我才慢慢意識(shí)到，朵朵的種種表現(xiàn)并不是天生的，很大一部分是生活環(huán)境導(dǎo)致的。因?yàn)楹⒆痈先嗽诶霞疑盍艘欢螘r(shí)間，在她最需要父母陪伴的階段，卻沒(méi)有得到滿足。老人帶孩子只會(huì)關(guān)心吃喝拉撒，可是最重要的教育問(wèn)題是不可能替代父母來(lái)完成的。
 
　　從那個(gè)時(shí)候起，我開(kāi)始看大量的育兒書(shū)籍、關(guān)注一些育兒網(wǎng)站，找身邊有經(jīng)驗(yàn)的媽媽取經(jīng)。當(dāng)然，不管是書(shū)籍網(wǎng)站的內(nèi)容，還是媽媽提供的一些建議，我會(huì)先過(guò)濾一次，分析這些方法是否適合朵朵，如果把孩子逼急了，只會(huì)適得其反。
 
　　從書(shū)上我第一次接觸到“安全感”這個(gè)詞，原來(lái)一直以為孩子可能是性格比較內(nèi)向，并沒(méi)有意識(shí)到是缺乏安全感的問(wèn)題。那到底什么是安全感呢?說(shuō)白了，安全感是孩子在成長(zhǎng)中建立對(duì)他人、對(duì)世界的信任感。有安全感的孩子情緒穩(wěn)定，性格堅(jiān)定平和，遇事不會(huì)驚慌失措，能較好地融入與周?chē)说慕煌P(guān)系，能理智地處理在生活中遇到的難題。缺乏安全感的孩子，則表現(xiàn)為情緒波動(dòng)大、膽小怕事、喜歡回避、性格孤僻、承受挫折的能力弱等人格傾向。
 
　　當(dāng)孩子出現(xiàn)問(wèn)題的時(shí)候，光著急是沒(méi)有用的，我開(kāi)始想各種辦法，希望能夠幫助朵朵，彌補(bǔ)2歲前缺失的安全感，讓她重新找回自信：
 
　　先讓朵朵學(xué)會(huì)跟小朋友交流。孩子在老家整天跟爺爺奶奶在一起，很少接觸小朋友，也不懂得怎么跟小朋友交流。正好，同一層樓另外3戶鄰居的孩子都跟朵朵差不多大，隔三差五我會(huì)帶著朵朵去串門(mén)，先是陪著朵朵一起玩，讓朵朵能感受到媽媽在身邊，放下戒心，專心跟小朋友一起玩拼圖，搭積木。去過(guò)幾次后，朵朵慢慢熟悉環(huán)境了，如果小朋友主動(dòng)邀約，朵朵都愿意過(guò)去玩，再也不需要媽媽陪著。這是朵朵邁出的第一步，雖然是被動(dòng)接受，但起碼不會(huì)抗拒跟小朋友玩耍這件事。
 
　　孩子間的性格會(huì)相互影響，多跟性格差異大的孩子玩，會(huì)有意想不到的驚喜。這一點(diǎn)我深有體會(huì)。隔壁家有個(gè)小男孩性格外向特別調(diào)皮，天生自帶自嗨功能，整天都處于興奮狀態(tài)，他的笑聲可以穿透整一層樓。朵朵太需要這樣的感染，于是，每天放學(xué)后，我們兩家的大門(mén)都是敞開(kāi)的。孩子可以互相串門(mén)，滿屋子的追跑打鬧，在沙發(fā)上面上串下跳，甚至直接在客廳來(lái)一場(chǎng)扭扭車(chē)比賽。盡管有時(shí)很吵，但為了孩子值得。這是朵朵第二階段的進(jìn)步，開(kāi)始主動(dòng)串門(mén)，孩子的天性被釋放了。
 
　　工作再忙，周末親子時(shí)間不能少。周末只要有時(shí)間，我和朵爸都會(huì)帶朵朵去公園、游樂(lè)場(chǎng)、圖書(shū)館等一些人多的場(chǎng)所玩，有時(shí)會(huì)約上有孩子的朋友一起聚餐、郊游。讓孩子能感受到父母的陪伴和愛(ài)，讓孩子慢慢習(xí)慣人多陌生的環(huán)境。
 
 
　　給孩子說(shuō)道理不如講故事。每天晚上睡前半小時(shí)，我都會(huì)堅(jiān)持給朵朵講2本繪本。通過(guò)講繪本能明顯感覺(jué)到朵朵的情感變化，她喜歡坐在我的懷抱里聽(tīng)我講故事，當(dāng)講到小動(dòng)物找媽媽時(shí)，她會(huì)緊緊地抱著我，生怕媽媽離開(kāi)她。這個(gè)時(shí)候，我會(huì)鼓勵(lì)朵朵勇敢地表達(dá)自己的情感，不要藏在心里，漸漸地，朵朵會(huì)把喜怒哀樂(lè)都掛在臉上。我和朵朵的關(guān)系也越來(lái)越親密了。
 
　　利用做家務(wù)的時(shí)間，多跟孩子溝通，了解她內(nèi)心的想法。有些父母總以工作忙作為借口，沒(méi)時(shí)間陪孩子。其實(shí)，你在洗碗、拖地、曬衣服的間隙，完全可以跟孩子愉快的聊天。在這個(gè)過(guò)程中，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)孩子真的長(zhǎng)大了，很多事情有自己的判斷和看法。
 
　　與孩子幼兒園的老師保持聯(lián)系，共同幫助孩子建立自信。幼兒園每周都會(huì)發(fā)小朋友的成長(zhǎng)檔案，老師會(huì)記錄本周孩子在幼兒園的表現(xiàn)，除了面對(duì)面的溝通，成長(zhǎng)檔案是家長(zhǎng)跟老師最直接最有效的溝通方式。因此，每一周的家長(zhǎng)評(píng)語(yǔ)欄，我都會(huì)寫(xiě)得格外詳細(xì)，讓老師清楚知道孩子在幼兒園和在家的不同表現(xiàn)，也希望老師在課堂上，可以適當(dāng)引導(dǎo)朵朵表現(xiàn)自己，建立自信心。
 
弄丟孩子的安全感 如何找回來(lái)
 
圖片來(lái)源：視覺(jué)中國(guó)
 
　　為了彌補(bǔ)朵朵2歲前缺失的安全感，我整整花了2年的時(shí)間。因此，建立安全感是一個(gè)長(zhǎng)期的過(guò)程，并不是一兩個(gè)月就能立竿見(jiàn)影的。經(jīng)過(guò)這2年耐心引導(dǎo)和培養(yǎng)，朵朵已經(jīng)不再是2歲時(shí)候的那個(gè)朵朵了，連幼兒園的老師也明顯感覺(jué)到朵朵的變化，老師說(shuō)：朵朵剛?cè)雸@時(shí)候總是默默無(wú)聞，從來(lái)不敢表達(dá)自己的需求，只會(huì)點(diǎn)頭和搖頭;而現(xiàn)在的朵朵越來(lái)越大膽活潑，敢于表達(dá)自己，喜歡跟小朋友一起瘋，幼兒園演出時(shí)也能自信地站在前排領(lǐng)舞。
 
　　有些媽媽可能會(huì)說(shuō)，現(xiàn)在什么事情都喜歡跟孩子安全感扯上關(guān)系，孩子的安全感有這么重要嗎?在育兒書(shū)籍看到或?qū)＜抑v座聽(tīng)到“安全感”這個(gè)詞，你可能會(huì)覺(jué)得很虛，甚至離你的生活很遠(yuǎn)。朵媽分享這個(gè)經(jīng)歷，是希望讓更多媽媽重視孩子的安全感問(wèn)題。了解孩子的安全感，在日常生活中怎樣去建立。如果發(fā)現(xiàn)孩子缺乏安全感、缺乏自信，請(qǐng)不要焦慮，你的焦慮只會(huì)給孩子更大的壓力。親密的陪伴和耐心的引導(dǎo)是建立安全感最根本的基礎(chǔ)。

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