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紅臉唱完換白臉 小心教壞孩子

出處：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集日期：2025-01-14 16:32:47編輯：秩名
紅臉唱完換白臉 小心教壞孩子
 
　　你家在教育孩子的時(shí)候，會(huì)不會(huì)一人負(fù)責(zé)唱紅臉，一人負(fù)責(zé)唱白臉?
 
　　前幾天朋友給我發(fā)了一條微信，說了自己的一個(gè)煩惱：
 
　　每次教育孩子的時(shí)候，夫妻兩人都會(huì)分工合作。孩子爸做“嚴(yán)父”，自己做“慈母”，一開始孩子還蠻聽話的，現(xiàn)在越無法無天了，只要爸爸不在身邊，自己怎么也管不住孩子。
 
　　前幾天孩子做錯(cuò)事，孩子爸罰孩子站墻角，幾分鐘后孩子爸因臨時(shí)有事出門，孩子便一下子解放了。朋友覺得孩子這樣的認(rèn)錯(cuò)態(tài)度不行，讓孩子重新站墻角，結(jié)果孩子笑嘻嘻地翻了一個(gè)鬼臉就跑出去玩了……留下一臉錯(cuò)愕的朋友。
 
 
　　朋友一開始還以為是孩子頑皮、不聽話的問題，實(shí)際上是家庭教育的結(jié)果。“嚴(yán)父慈母”的傳統(tǒng)觀念認(rèn)為，我們?cè)诮逃⒆拥臅r(shí)候，要分工合作。夫妻雙方都嚴(yán)格，怕孩子吃不消;夫妻雙方都溫和，怕放縱了孩子。雖然夫妻間心照不宣，相互配合，但是在孩子眼里，你們兩個(gè)的立場(chǎng)完全不一樣。這種看似“很智慧”的教育方式，不僅達(dá)不到教育的目的，還有可能帶來不好的影響：
 
　　1、父母的威信降低
 
　　文章開頭提到我朋友的煩惱便是一個(gè)典型的例子，教育孩子的時(shí)候，一個(gè)唱白臉，一個(gè)唱紅臉，直接的結(jié)果是其中一方的威信降低。但從深層次來看，其實(shí)父母雙方在孩子面前的威信都降低了：只要爸爸不在孩子身邊，他的教育便對(duì)孩子無效。父母對(duì)孩子的要求相矛盾時(shí)，孩子便會(huì)覺得爸爸、媽媽都不是正確的。
 
　　2、孩子學(xué)會(huì)鉆空子
 
　　孩子天生便有趨利避害的本能，當(dāng)父母對(duì)孩子的教育觀念不一致的時(shí)候，孩子便學(xué)會(huì)了鉆空子。這里舉個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的例子：
 
　　孩子在客廳看動(dòng)畫片，爸爸要求孩子再看15分鐘就關(guān)電視。15分鐘過后，爸爸提醒孩子關(guān)電視，這時(shí)媽媽正好從房間走出來，孩子央求媽媽：“媽媽，我還差一點(diǎn)就看完了，先讓我看完嘛!”媽媽看到孩子一副哀求的樣子，說：“好，你看完得馬上關(guān)電視哦!”孩子轉(zhuǎn)過身對(duì)爸爸說：“爸爸，媽媽說可以看!”
 
　　有了媽媽這張護(hù)身符，爸爸再怎么說都是多余的了。如果爸爸這時(shí)候過來關(guān)電視，只會(huì)將矛盾擴(kuò)大化，甚至引起夫妻兩人之間的爭(zhēng)吵。
 
 
 
　　3、影響孩子是非觀念的形成
 
　　孩子是非觀念還沒有形成的時(shí)候，他的判斷標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來自于成人，尤其是父母。當(dāng)父母的教育立場(chǎng)不一致的時(shí)候，孩子會(huì)無所適從，不知道到底應(yīng)該聽誰(shuí)的。長(zhǎng)期下來，孩子難以形成自己的判斷標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，容易投機(jī)取巧，甚至是逃避問題。
 
　　4、孩子忽略自省的過程
 
　　如果孩子做錯(cuò)一件事，家長(zhǎng)其中一方嚴(yán)格批評(píng)，另一方卻在旁邊安慰，會(huì)讓孩子覺得，不管自己做錯(cuò)什么，最終都是會(huì)被原諒的。這樣孩子連自省的過程都省略了，更別說改正錯(cuò)誤，調(diào)整自己的行為了。
 
　　臉譜式的教育很容易讓孩子耍小聰明，學(xué)會(huì)察言觀色，抓住父母的弱點(diǎn)來達(dá)到自己的目的。在一方面前乖乖聽話，在另一方面前則任性驕縱。因此教育孩子的時(shí)候，一方板著臉教育，另一方卻來拆臺(tái)，這樣永遠(yuǎn)唱不成一場(chǎng)戲。管教孩子的時(shí)候，方式一定要正確得當(dāng)。
 
　　1、孩子面前立場(chǎng)要一致，別當(dāng)著孩子的面起爭(zhēng)執(zhí)
 
　　一旦夫妻當(dāng)著孩子的面起了爭(zhēng)執(zhí)，孩子便意識(shí)到你們的權(quán)威是可以挑戰(zhàn)的。孩子不服管教，多半是因?yàn)楦改傅牧?chǎng)不一致。如果兩個(gè)人的想法不一樣，最好私下達(dá)成統(tǒng)一戰(zhàn)線了再來管教孩子。
 
 
　　2、溫和而堅(jiān)定是主線
 
　　嚴(yán)格要求孩子，并不代表我們?cè)诠芙毯⒆拥臅r(shí)候要冷著臉，這樣容易加深親子之間的隔閡。父母在塑造孩子是非價(jià)值觀念的過程中起著非常重要的作用。溫和而堅(jiān)定的態(tài)度，能為孩子提供安全的情緒基礎(chǔ)，孩子會(huì)更愿意接受父母的教育，聽取父母的建議，并且愿意和父母交流自己的想法。(關(guān)注微信公眾號(hào)：朵媽親子時(shí)光，聊聊育兒那些事)
 
　　3、該嚴(yán)格的時(shí)候必須嚴(yán)格
 
　　如果孩子的行為十分惡劣，溫和的管教方式不起作用，這時(shí)候一定要表明夫妻雙方的態(tài)度，告訴孩子這樣做的危害，孩子不聽的情況下，可以直接告訴孩子：“你這樣做讓我們生氣了”，或者：“你這種行為應(yīng)該接受懲罰”!該嚴(yán)格的時(shí)候，必須嚴(yán)格，這樣才能讓孩子知道，有些事情真的做不得。

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