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教育優(yōu)秀的孩子？育兒專(zhuān)家的多個(gè)案例分析(2)

出處：媽媽育兒網(wǎng)日期：2013-02-27 11:22:51編輯：Chen

金韻蓉：我想可能有很多網(wǎng)友知道我有一本很受年輕媽媽們喜歡的書(shū)《愛(ài)在管教&helpp;&helpp;在右》和《愛(ài)讓成長(zhǎng)不煩惱》給青少年看的書(shū)，我兒子小時(shí)候我給他做了很多事情，很多母親印象深刻的，讓他在很小的時(shí)候在他能力范圍可以負(fù)的責(zé)任的范圍內(nèi)讓他去負(fù)責(zé)，當(dāng)然要說(shuō)明這些責(zé)任不包含他的身體受到傷害或者他的安全受到上傷害，你不能說(shuō)我要培養(yǎng)我的兒子獨(dú)立，你自己上幼兒園媽媽不送你，那很有可能在上幼兒園的過(guò)程當(dāng)中被車(chē)撞了或者被壞人綁走。

給他獨(dú)立的訓(xùn)練必須是在他自己年齡能夠處理安全的，安全和健康是所有父母對(duì)孩子的期望。他四五歲就有簽合同的習(xí)慣即便到英國(guó)之前，他去的前一個(gè)月學(xué)校是他選的，九歲的時(shí)候我?guī)接?guó)看了三所學(xué)校，三所學(xué)?？赐曜屗麤Q定進(jìn)哪個(gè)學(xué)校，他決定哪所學(xué)校之后考試考過(guò)了，這個(gè)過(guò)程需要一定的時(shí)間。最后我們學(xué)費(fèi)都交了，還有一個(gè)月他要去了，我們又開(kāi)了一次會(huì)，下個(gè)月就要去英國(guó)了，現(xiàn)在反悔絕對(duì)來(lái)得及，現(xiàn)在不去沒(méi)有關(guān)系，學(xué)費(fèi)無(wú)所謂的，你現(xiàn)在不去都沒(méi)有關(guān)系。

他很坦白地告訴媽媽?zhuān)灰?，不去沒(méi)有關(guān)系，沒(méi)有人會(huì)生氣，我一點(diǎn)不會(huì)生氣，但是要去了不會(huì)讓你回來(lái)，給他一個(gè)星期再考慮。一個(gè)星期之后開(kāi)會(huì)說(shuō)，決定了沒(méi)有，去還是不去？他說(shuō)我要去。又說(shuō)了一遍，沒(méi)有人笑話你沒(méi)有人會(huì)生氣，再給你一個(gè)星期。過(guò)了一個(gè)星期，你確定是否要去？確定要去。從此就完全集中在要去這件事情上。

主持人：他是怎么樣在九歲十歲有這樣的判斷能力和自我負(fù)責(zé)任的能力？

金韻蓉：我可能從三四歲五歲開(kāi)始不斷給他這樣一種培養(yǎng)，很多故事，看一下我的書(shū)，我見(jiàn)過(guò)很多行為需要幫助的孩子，我明明看見(jiàn)這個(gè)孩子可能出現(xiàn)叛逆的傾向或者這個(gè)孩子特別會(huì)說(shuō)謊話或者孩子有不喜歡的行為，可以看到是父親的鏡子或者是母親的鏡子，這個(gè)孩子的行為模仿母親，或者這個(gè)孩子出現(xiàn)的問(wèn)題是父親的反射，你會(huì)看到這些東西。我們把注意力集中在這個(gè)孩子不夠好的事情上，其實(shí)我們忘記這個(gè)孩子出生的時(shí)候完全就是一個(gè)天使。

主持人：有一個(gè)媽媽問(wèn)我，他的孩子寫(xiě)作業(yè)總是拖沓，放學(xué)不想寫(xiě)作業(yè)，您給什么樣的建議？

金韻蓉：我的建議像我對(duì)我兒子做的事情，確定這個(gè)時(shí)間是你的，每天4：15下課到8：30洗澡，這段時(shí)間都是你的，你寫(xiě)不寫(xiě)作業(yè)不關(guān)我的事，你不寫(xiě)作業(yè)受處罰不管我的事。我何老師很好的溝通，我懇請(qǐng)老師不要羞辱他但是可以處罰他，他自己拖沓早上起來(lái)總是賴床不起來(lái)或者總是不寫(xiě)作業(yè)，你告訴他不行你8：30睡覺(jué)，作業(yè)沒(méi)有寫(xiě)完沒(méi)關(guān)系，我們明天上學(xué)你自己去面對(duì)這個(gè)結(jié)果。有很多父母親說(shuō)孩子一個(gè)月不寫(xiě)功課或者一個(gè)月沒(méi)有很好讀書(shū)，會(huì)不會(huì)他成績(jī)落后了？

其實(shí)我們心里明白，你越小的時(shí)候越容易補(bǔ)上。我一個(gè)月沒(méi)有寫(xiě)作業(yè)跟我成為一個(gè)不負(fù)責(zé)任的人這中間哪個(gè)會(huì)更重要？哪個(gè)更有價(jià)值？如果孩子總是拖沓不寫(xiě)作業(yè)或者注意力不集中，原因是什么？

我很形象地描述，很多父母跟孩子之間的關(guān)系是這樣的，孩子在樓上想辦法找不同的地方往下跳，媽媽爸爸拿一個(gè)安全墊，你在這個(gè)地方往下跳我在這里接，孩子想你接得住我，我從另一個(gè)方向跳。孩子跟大人之間越來(lái)越開(kāi)心，因?yàn)樗婪杆械腻e(cuò)都有人承接，他玩的很開(kāi)心。有一天他如果從上往下跳沒(méi)有彈簧墊他摔倒了，你看他下次跳不跳。

主持人：讓孩子對(duì)自己的行為負(fù)責(zé)任。

金韻蓉：當(dāng)然，安全和健康是我們的責(zé)任，在保證他安全跟保證他健康的前提之下讓他負(fù)責(zé)。

主持人：您的家庭里面是不是有人扮演一個(gè)紅臉一個(gè)人扮演白臉？

金韻蓉：對(duì)。不管紅臉白臉，我當(dāng)然是好人，我當(dāng)然是溫柔的那個(gè)人。原則清晰并不代表你很兇，你可以非常溫柔堅(jiān)定，堅(jiān)定不是說(shuō)我嘩嘩亂叫，會(huì)辯論的人不需要大吼，辯論場(chǎng)上的人聲音特別大臉紅脖子粗的底氣最不足，辯論場(chǎng)上娓娓道來(lái)面帶微笑那個(gè)人底氣就足，我是溫柔堅(jiān)定的母親，我先生是特別堅(jiān)定也很?chē)?yán)肅的父親。

孩子小的時(shí)候得立規(guī)矩，我總喜歡說(shuō)父親是一個(gè)價(jià)值觀的引領(lǐng)者，他要傳遞價(jià)值觀，我們家的規(guī)矩是什么，當(dāng)然不是說(shuō)一定，如果爸爸是溫柔的爸爸，媽媽是比較嚴(yán)厲的媽媽也OK。總而言之，不能爸爸打孩子，媽媽在旁邊加油，那不行，不能爸爸打加油媽媽在旁邊拉，這也不行。

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