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美國(guó)孩子從小就自信 只因……

出處：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集日期：2025-01-16 12:06:41編輯：秩名
美國(guó)孩子從小就自信 只因……
 
　　說(shuō)到美國(guó)的孩子，你的腦海里會(huì)不會(huì)自動(dòng)彈出這些形容詞：自信、笑起來(lái)很燦爛、很快樂(lè)、很自由……
 
　　確實(shí)，這是很多美國(guó)孩子的共同點(diǎn)。著名畫(huà)家、作家陳丹青曾經(jīng)說(shuō)過(guò)這樣一句話：“走在美國(guó)街頭，好像人人都長(zhǎng)了一張沒(méi)受過(guò)欺負(fù)的臉。”
 
　　其實(shí)，他們并非從來(lái)都沒(méi)被人欺負(fù)過(guò)，而是不管遇到什么事情，他們的內(nèi)心都會(huì)有足夠的自信來(lái)支撐著自己。
 
　　為什么在美國(guó)長(zhǎng)大的孩子會(huì)有與生俱來(lái)的自信?我們的孩子也能擁有一張“沒(méi)被欺負(fù)過(guò)的臉”嗎?
 
　　答案是，當(dāng)然可以!（關(guān)注微信訂閱號(hào)：朵媽親子時(shí)光，聊聊親子育兒那些事）
 
　　孩子內(nèi)心最深處的自信，來(lái)自父母無(wú)條件的愛(ài)
 
　　心理學(xué)家認(rèn)為，孩子的自信，從根本上講是來(lái)自父母無(wú)條件的愛(ài)(unconditional love)。
 
　　而說(shuō)到這，有的媽媽可能就忍不住要問(wèn)了：哪有當(dāng)?shù)鶍尩牟粣?ài)自己的孩子啊?
 
　　問(wèn)題恰恰就出現(xiàn)在這!我們總覺(jué)得自己是愛(ài)孩子的，但很多時(shí)候我們的愛(ài)是有條件的。
 
　　比如：
 
　　當(dāng)孩子不聽(tīng)話的時(shí)候，我們會(huì)說(shuō)：“再不聽(tīng)話我就不愛(ài)你了!”
 
　　當(dāng)我們不開(kāi)心的時(shí)候，我們會(huì)說(shuō)：“被你煩死了!”
 
　　當(dāng)我們很忙的時(shí)候，我們會(huì)說(shuō)：“你沒(méi)看見(jiàn)媽媽在忙嗎?”(語(yǔ)氣里讓孩子覺(jué)得：你還沒(méi)我手上的活重要呢!)
 
　　如此種種，讓孩子在無(wú)形中獲得這樣一種認(rèn)知：
 
　　只有我聽(tīng)話的時(shí)候，媽媽才是愛(ài)我的!
 
　　只有媽媽有空的時(shí)候，媽媽才會(huì)注意到我!
 
　　只有媽媽開(kāi)心的時(shí)候，我在媽媽眼里才是可愛(ài)的!
 
　　……
 
　　這一系列的“只有……才……”，表明了我們的愛(ài)是有條件的，在孩子的心里：爸爸媽媽對(duì)自己的愛(ài)并不是100%的。
 
　　而“無(wú)條件的愛(ài)”，在生活中是怎樣表現(xiàn)出來(lái)的呢?
 
　　當(dāng)孩子做錯(cuò)事了，媽媽的態(tài)度應(yīng)該是：“媽媽是愛(ài)你的，但是你這件事做得不對(duì)，會(huì)導(dǎo)致XXX的后果。”
 
　　當(dāng)你沒(méi)有時(shí)間陪伴孩子的時(shí)候，告訴ta：媽媽現(xiàn)在要做好這件事后才能來(lái)陪你，你先自己玩玩小球可以嗎?(不帶有任何抱怨的語(yǔ)氣，并且讓孩子知道你稍后會(huì)滿(mǎn)足他的陪伴需求。)
 
　　媽媽們應(yīng)該都了解這樣一個(gè)概念：無(wú)條件的愛(ài)≠沒(méi)有原則的愛(ài)，而是要求我們不管孩子表現(xiàn)得乖不乖，我們多忙、多累、心情多糟糕，都不能讓孩子懷疑你對(duì)他的愛(ài)。
 
　　像尊重大人一樣尊重孩子
 
　　在很多大人的眼里：
 
　　孩子是最好忽悠的人，你說(shuō)什么ta就信什么;
 
　　答應(yīng)過(guò)ta的事沒(méi)做到也沒(méi)關(guān)系，孩子不會(huì)拿你怎么樣的;
 
　　逗孩子的時(shí)候最開(kāi)心了，還沒(méi)說(shuō)幾句就開(kāi)始哭了，好有趣;
 
　　……
 
　　然而這樣不拿孩子當(dāng)回事，孩子怎么可能會(huì)有一張“沒(méi)被欺負(fù)過(guò)的臉”?
 
　　不把孩子當(dāng)大人一樣來(lái)尊重，只會(huì)在ta的心里形成這樣一種認(rèn)知：爸爸媽媽都可以忽略我的感受，別人怎么可能會(huì)在乎?
 
　　這不正是自卑心理的表現(xiàn)嗎?
 
　　我從來(lái)不認(rèn)為，因?yàn)楹⒆幽挲g小，我們就可以不尊重ta。很多孩子的性格從小過(guò)于自卑、在陌生的人和事物面前容易感到不安焦慮，很多時(shí)候都是大人造成的。
 
　　所以大人們，如果不想孩子的性格過(guò)于自卑，希望他內(nèi)心的安全感更足，那就請(qǐng)把孩子當(dāng)大人一樣來(lái)尊重：
 
　　對(duì)ta承諾過(guò)的事，不管多小，請(qǐng)放在心上，認(rèn)真執(zhí)行。
 
　　不管何時(shí)，都要重視孩子的感受，傾聽(tīng)孩子的需求。
 
　　越是受到家長(zhǎng)尊重的孩子，在面對(duì)其他人和事時(shí)，自然就越有自信。
 
　　看到孩子的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，經(jīng)?？隙ê⒆?/div>
 
　　很多在中國(guó)長(zhǎng)大的孩子，從小就有一個(gè)共同的敵人，叫做“別人家的孩子”。家長(zhǎng)們總是習(xí)慣拿“別人家孩子”的長(zhǎng)處跟自己孩子的短處相比，認(rèn)為這樣可以鞭策孩子更加努力。
 
　　而西方很多國(guó)家的家長(zhǎng)，常常把把孩子的長(zhǎng)處掛在嘴邊——
 
　　“你做得真好!”
 
　　“不錯(cuò)，這種方法是正確的，我怎么沒(méi)想到?”
 
　　兩種不同的教育方式，哪種方式更容易教出一個(gè)自信的孩子呢?答案不言而喻。
 
　　幼齡階段的孩子對(duì)自我的認(rèn)識(shí)和父母的評(píng)價(jià)有很大的關(guān)系，如果你經(jīng)常說(shuō)自己的淘氣、笨、慢、任性……孩子真的可能會(huì)破罐子破摔，變成你所形容的樣子。
 
　　曾聽(tīng)一個(gè)海歸朋友說(shuō)過(guò)，美國(guó)很多孩子每次說(shuō)到自己的夢(mèng)想時(shí)，都會(huì)在前面加一個(gè)類(lèi)似這樣的前綴：我要做全美國(guó)最好的XXX，我要做全世界最棒的XXX，甚至我要成為宇宙第一的XXX……這跟父母對(duì)孩子的肯定、鼓勵(lì)有很大的關(guān)系。
 
　　如果我們也能看到孩子的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，從積極面來(lái)評(píng)價(jià)鼓勵(lì)孩子，那么孩子也會(huì)從我們這里獲得更多自信，事事力求表現(xiàn)到最好。（關(guān)注微信訂閱號(hào)：朵媽親子時(shí)光，聊聊親子育兒那些事）
 
　　【朵媽的話】
 
　　孩子不夠自信，很多家長(zhǎng)總習(xí)慣在孩子身上找原因。實(shí)際上對(duì)孩子來(lái)說(shuō)，家庭環(huán)境就是滋養(yǎng)ta成長(zhǎng)的水土，自信與否，和父母的教育方式非常重要。如果你也有這方面的困惑，別糾著孩子不放了，很可能是我們自己出了問(wèn)題。自信不可能憑空產(chǎn)生，只有孩子體會(huì)到父母無(wú)條件的愛(ài)、尊重和肯定了，ta才能在內(nèi)心深處肯定自己，面對(duì)人和事的時(shí)候更有自信。

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