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家庭教育的3個(gè)錯(cuò)誤做法=將孩子推入深淵(3)

出處：媽媽育兒網(wǎng)日期：2014-01-28 11:39:23編輯：Chen

第三大誤區(qū)：吃得苦中苦，方為人上人

現(xiàn)在我們要談?wù)摰?，是有關(guān)幸福的普遍誤解中最后一種例子。最后的誤解就是，為了未來(lái)的幸福必須放棄現(xiàn)在的快樂(lè)。父母?jìng)儗?duì)著希望做自己喜歡的事情的孩子們說(shuō)：“幸福并不存在于當(dāng)下而是存在于未來(lái)，只有忍耐現(xiàn)在的痛苦，未來(lái)你們才可以過(guò)上幸福的生活。

”此外他們還告訴孩子們，現(xiàn)在的快樂(lè)是未來(lái)幸福的絆腳石，是不被需要的，強(qiáng)調(diào)必須犧牲現(xiàn)在的快樂(lè)。那么當(dāng)下的快樂(lè)究竟是否會(huì)給未來(lái)的幸福帶來(lái)負(fù)面的影響呢？

孩子們從進(jìn)入幼兒園或是小學(xué)之前就已經(jīng)開(kāi)始接受教育。即便是躺在搖籃里的嬰兒也要通過(guò)父母的表情和氣味感受不安或安定。孩子們從開(kāi)始蹣跚起步的時(shí)候起就要不斷接觸身邊的事物，開(kāi)始學(xué)習(xí)這個(gè)世界上的一切；從能夠說(shuō)話開(kāi)始就要學(xué)習(xí)表達(dá)自身情緒的方法，也要從父母那里學(xué)習(xí)各種各樣的詞匯和語(yǔ)句。

這所有的行動(dòng)都是一種學(xué)習(xí)也是一種教育。孩子從出生的那一瞬間開(kāi)始就逐步接觸這個(gè)廣闊的大世界，不斷吸收全新的事物。

此時(shí)對(duì)于孩子們來(lái)說(shuō)，這個(gè)全新的世界充滿了令他們感到驚奇的東西。躺著觀察的世界和坐著觀察的世界完全不同，而坐著觀察的世界又與站著或是走著觀察的世界完全不同。孩子們開(kāi)始對(duì)自己感興趣的東西展現(xiàn)出了非凡的好奇心，他們因?yàn)閷?duì)位于高處的事物感到好奇而站起來(lái)，為了更快獲得自己想要的東西而開(kāi)始行走。

這段時(shí)期內(nèi)孩子們的學(xué)習(xí)是由好奇心和快樂(lè)組成的。對(duì)于自己想要的東西展現(xiàn)出的好奇心，滿足這種好奇心就會(huì)帶來(lái)快樂(lè)。這段時(shí)期孩子在學(xué)習(xí)上速度驚人的原因正是他們?cè)谧鲋约合矚g的事情。

這種充滿好奇心和快樂(lè)的教育，從孩子進(jìn)入幼兒園或是學(xué)校時(shí)開(kāi)始發(fā)生了改變。孩子從父母和老師那里獲得了學(xué)習(xí)的目的就是獲得好成績(jī)的觀念，并學(xué)到了好成績(jī)是未來(lái)幸福生活的保證。此時(shí)學(xué)習(xí)對(duì)于他們來(lái)說(shuō)，不再是令人感到快樂(lè)的事情了。從那一瞬間開(kāi)始，學(xué)習(xí)并不意味著快樂(lè)，而是為了獲得“成功”而不得不履行的義務(wù)。 終于在孩子們的生活中，“快樂(lè)”這個(gè)詞慢慢地消失了。

那么失去當(dāng)下的幸福僅僅追求成功的孩子們，又過(guò)著怎樣的生活呢？2010年5月，韓國(guó)首爾國(guó)立大學(xué)法律專業(yè)研究院中的某個(gè)學(xué)生以自殺結(jié)束了年輕的生命。他于2006年考入首爾國(guó)立大學(xué)法學(xué)系，2010年2月畢業(yè)之后獲得了直接進(jìn)入法學(xué)院的資格，足見(jiàn)他擁有多么出眾的實(shí)力。但他卻通過(guò)自殺結(jié)束了自己的生命。悲劇并不僅僅在這一個(gè)學(xué)生的身上發(fā)生。

2008年3月首爾國(guó)立大學(xué)的大學(xué)生活文化院開(kāi)通了以首爾國(guó)立大學(xué)學(xué)生為對(duì)象的24小時(shí)咨詢熱線“SNUu CALL”。咨詢熱線開(kāi)通以后一年內(nèi)就接到了3000多通電話。那么在足可代表所有父母的夢(mèng)想，也被稱為成功捷徑的首爾國(guó)立大學(xué)內(nèi)，學(xué)生們?yōu)楹螘?huì)感到如此困擾呢？

根據(jù)大學(xué)生活文化院提供的報(bào)告可以看出，首爾國(guó)立大學(xué)學(xué)生們的困擾主要有未來(lái)出路、適應(yīng)學(xué)校以及人際關(guān)系等問(wèn)題。

但其實(shí)如何適應(yīng)社會(huì)，以及如何處理人際關(guān)系是每個(gè)人都會(huì)碰到的問(wèn)題。遇到這樣具有普遍性的問(wèn)題，卻認(rèn)為自己的人生根基被動(dòng)搖，甚至選擇自殺結(jié)束生命的精英學(xué)生們，讓他們無(wú)法戰(zhàn)勝困難的原因是他們?nèi)狈駥用娴膬?nèi)在力量。

將“進(jìn)入首爾國(guó)立大學(xué)”當(dāng)做目標(biāo)的孩子們?cè)谶M(jìn)入大學(xué)的那瞬間，會(huì)忽然覺(jué)得人生失去了方向。而確信自己的人生意義為何的人，通常在適應(yīng)環(huán)境和人際關(guān)系方面出現(xiàn)問(wèn)題的時(shí)候，能夠做出較為積極的判斷和選擇。

能夠戰(zhàn)勝痛苦和難關(guān)的力量來(lái)自明了人生的意義。明確了解自我存在的意義，明確生活下去的目標(biāo)和意義，為了實(shí)現(xiàn)自我價(jià)值而努力生活的人，才能以快樂(lè)的態(tài)度忍受痛苦與磨難。

父母?jìng)儗?duì)于幸福的誤解將自己的孩子推入了不幸的深淵。只要有很多錢便能獲得幸福的誤解和必須獲得成功才能變得幸福的誤解，正在剝奪孩子們當(dāng)下的快樂(lè)與現(xiàn)在的幸福。然而父母?jìng)儨喨徊恢?，他們抱有的誤解不僅會(huì)讓孩子們失去現(xiàn)在的幸福，也有可能讓他們失去未來(lái)的幸福。

只有不斷體味到當(dāng)下的快樂(lè)，孩子們才能領(lǐng)悟到真正能讓自己感到快樂(lè)的是什么，自己在做什么的時(shí)候感到最幸福，為了保持那種幸福的感覺(jué)必須做些什么。對(duì)于朝著自己定下的目標(biāo)不斷沖刺的孩子們來(lái)說(shuō)，在這過(guò)程中他們所經(jīng)歷的大大小小的危機(jī)都不是痛苦的來(lái)源。

而在這個(gè)拼搏的過(guò)程中，成功會(huì)自然而然來(lái)到他們的面前。為了能夠?qū)⒆约合矚g的事情做得更好，孩子便會(huì)傾其所有，這樣一來(lái)他們不可能獲得不了成功。只有擁有幸福的生活才能夠?qū)崿F(xiàn)成功的目標(biāo)。

本文由媽媽育兒網(wǎng)（http://15thirdstreetblackrock.com/）小編編輯整理

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