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教養(yǎng)孩子，別碰這十個(gè)“禁忌”(2)

出處：媽媽育兒網(wǎng)日期：2015-07-23 17:28:21編輯：Chen

6、忌當(dāng)別人的面討論孩子的缺點(diǎn)

孩子在成長(zhǎng)過程中，難免會(huì)有這樣那樣的缺點(diǎn)，但同時(shí)孩子也有自己的尊嚴(yán)，如果我們一味盯著孩子的缺點(diǎn)，卻忘記了她也有尊嚴(yán)，動(dòng)輒當(dāng)著別人的面討論她的缺點(diǎn)或者批評(píng)她，那么孩子不僅要承受自尊受傷帶來的羞愧感，還可能更加拒絕配合改正這個(gè)缺點(diǎn)----對(duì)我們這種做法的不滿只會(huì)惡化孩子對(duì)親子關(guān)系的感受，使他更難聽進(jìn)去家長(zhǎng)的教誨！

當(dāng)面表?yè)P(yáng)，背后批評(píng)，才更有利于孩子的成長(zhǎng)。順便分享一篇博文《為什么我很少寫女兒的缺點(diǎn)或錯(cuò)誤？》。

7、忌親子陪伴“有名無實(shí)”或“弊大于利”

 之所以特別強(qiáng)調(diào)這一點(diǎn)，是因?yàn)楹芏嗉议L(zhǎng)對(duì)陪伴孩子的認(rèn)識(shí)有個(gè)誤區(qū)，以為只要跟孩子同處一個(gè)空間就是陪伴----只要孩子能看見自己，就隨心所欲，看電視甚至兒童不宜的電視、玩手機(jī)甚至打游戲等。

跟孩子卻沒有什么交流互動(dòng)，甚至孩子喊自己看看繪畫作品都懶得動(dòng)一下或者頭也不轉(zhuǎn)地敷衍了事。其實(shí)這樣的陪伴，是有名無實(shí)的，根本不叫陪伴。詳見我的《多陪孩子，不一定是好媽媽》這篇“命題作文”中的分析。

還有一種陪伴，雖然跟孩子有所互動(dòng)，但互動(dòng)的內(nèi)容反而對(duì)孩子的成長(zhǎng)或者親子關(guān)系的密切有副作用，比如，晚上不帶孩子，平時(shí)也總是把孩子交給老人，有限的跟孩子在一起的時(shí)間，卻用于給孩子做各種規(guī)矩或者實(shí)施各種教育計(jì)劃。

可以想見，孩子對(duì)我們自身的情緒需求都得不到滿足的時(shí)候，怎么會(huì)乖乖配合我們的教育？再比如，一邊陪孩子，一邊不停地跟其他人家長(zhǎng)里短地八卦，那么，可以想象，孩子經(jīng)常跟著這樣的家長(zhǎng)，“看”到的世界將是什么樣子！

8、忌在孩子面前對(duì)老師評(píng)頭論足

“親其師方能信其道”，孩子尊敬熱愛老師是接受其教育的前提，如果父母經(jīng)常在孩子面前隨意負(fù)性評(píng)價(jià)甚至猜疑詆毀老師，就會(huì)讓老師在孩子眼里的師道尊嚴(yán)受到影響，甚至讓孩子對(duì)老師產(chǎn)生不良的態(tài)度定勢(shì)----當(dāng)孩子不喜歡一個(gè)老師的時(shí)候，可以想象她對(duì)老師教育教學(xué)的抵制會(huì)有多“順理成章”。參見我博客中《喜歡老師是喜歡學(xué)習(xí)的前提》一文。

9、忌當(dāng)著孩子的面貶斥自己的另一半

恐怕這是非常重要又最難做到的一點(diǎn)。因?yàn)橛H密關(guān)系中，我們往往會(huì)忘記了大家是彼此不同的人，更容易把對(duì)方當(dāng)成“完美的自己”來要求，一旦對(duì)方身上出現(xiàn)了自己難以容忍的地方，就容易肆無忌憚地貶斥對(duì)方（這就是為什么有的人跟家庭以外的人會(huì)相處的很好，回家卻容易跟家人發(fā)脾氣），殊不知這樣做對(duì)孩子的傷害是很大的。

這是因?yàn)?，如果?jīng)常貶斥的是孩子同性別的父母，則孩子對(duì)其所承擔(dān)的同性角色的認(rèn)同就可能受到影響，甚至影響孩子正常的性別角色社會(huì)化過程。如果經(jīng)常貶斥的是孩子異性別的父母，則孩子對(duì)其的接納程度就會(huì)受到影響，不利于孩子順暢地跟異性父母互動(dòng)，這對(duì)他今后建立順暢的異性關(guān)系可能會(huì)有負(fù)面的影響。

貶斥對(duì)方所引發(fā)的爭(zhēng)吵孩子很容易攪亂家庭氣氛，讓孩子變得焦躁不安，甚至影響孩子對(duì)父母關(guān)系的安全感。如果父母彼此的貶斥還經(jīng)常牽涉到孩子的原因，孩子還可能會(huì)因?yàn)楦改戈P(guān)系的不和諧是自己引起的，對(duì)自我價(jià)值感的體驗(yàn)也會(huì)受到影響。

10、忌家長(zhǎng)忽略自身的成長(zhǎng)

最后強(qiáng)調(diào)這一點(diǎn)，卻不等于它最不重要，事實(shí)上，要想成為成功的家長(zhǎng)，我們最需要做的就是自身的成長(zhǎng)，道理很簡(jiǎn)答，什么層次的家長(zhǎng)，就容易帶出什么層次的孩子，什么樣的家長(zhǎng)，就容易帶出什么樣的孩子。有時(shí)候，孩子的問題，往往是家長(zhǎng)自身的修煉不夠造成的。如果我們的內(nèi)心充滿焦慮、恐懼、匱乏，那么孩子也很難長(zhǎng)成內(nèi)心強(qiáng)大、平靜安然的人。

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