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為啥孩子愛記仇？無意識(shí)記憶在發(fā)展，家長(zhǎng)善用澄清來排解

出處：@日曉文化說日期：2024-08-05 12:05:07編輯：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集

同事有一個(gè)愛記仇的孩子，她總是跟我們吐槽孩子的記仇就像心里有一個(gè)小本本一樣，對(duì)于家長(zhǎng)什么時(shí)候做了什么讓他不開心的事情都記得清清楚楚。

同事說：“前段時(shí)間我們給他過生日，買了一個(gè)大蛋糕，為了不讓孩子多吃我和他爸分了很多出去，自己也吃了一點(diǎn)。結(jié)果昨天孩子去別人家過生日居然在別人家里說我們小氣不給他吃生日蛋糕，我和他爸氣的就想直接把他領(lǐng)回家。”

“明明蛋糕是我買的，為什么孩子只記仇，不記好呢？”

除了護(hù)食，孩子對(duì)于欺負(fù)自己的人或者小動(dòng)物也會(huì)反擊，有一次孩子上幼兒園的時(shí)候和其他小朋友打架了，老師問他：“胡胡，你為什么要和小朋友打架？”孩子說：“因?yàn)樗却蛭伊恕?rdquo;另一個(gè)小孩子說：“我打你又不是故意的，但是你打我是故意。”

孩子在玩鬧的時(shí)候難免磕磕碰碰。自己的孩子一被碰到就抓狂，胡胡媽媽非常擔(dān)心自己的孩子以后太暴躁，她說：“孩子有時(shí)候不小心碰到桌椅，都要回頭打一下那個(gè)桌子椅子，有仇必報(bào)，不知道像誰。”

胡胡更過分的是，有時(shí)候生了氣還會(huì)向其他無辜的人撒氣，萬魔王呢在外被毛毛狗狗狗嚇到回家還會(huì)向自己的爺爺奶奶撒氣：“你是大人為什么不保護(hù)好我！”

大腦的發(fā)展讓孩子的記憶容量更大了

孩子的大腦是隨著年齡的增長(zhǎng)而發(fā)育的，孩子長(zhǎng)得越大，記憶的容量就越大。

孩子剛出生的時(shí)候，大腦的重量在350克左右，不到成人大腦的四分之一的重量。這個(gè)時(shí)候孩子的大腦雖然具備了和成年人大腦差不多的形狀和結(jié)構(gòu)，但是在功能上遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)不及成年人。在這個(gè)階段孩子的大腦不足以支撐自己的活動(dòng)，除了哭以外，幾乎不能做到自主活動(dòng)。到了周歲的時(shí)候，孩子的腦重量漲了一倍，約有成人大腦的一半重，這時(shí)候，孩子的開始學(xué)會(huì)說話，記憶也開始發(fā)展，他們能記得住人臉，分辨出自己的撫養(yǎng)人和陌生人的區(qū)別，出現(xiàn)了陌生人焦慮。

2歲時(shí)，孩子的大腦進(jìn)一步發(fā)育，能接近成人大腦的四分之三，孩子的記憶也會(huì)進(jìn)一步地發(fā)展。到了三歲的時(shí)候，孩子的大腦發(fā)育和應(yīng)用達(dá)到了一個(gè)質(zhì)的飛躍，在此之前，孩子的記憶是沒有順序的，他們沒有時(shí)間的概念，分不清過去將來和現(xiàn)在，但是孩子在三歲以后能夠逐漸學(xué)會(huì)時(shí)間的概念，知道了過往的事件，并且能夠記住對(duì)自己來說很重要的事情。

大腦發(fā)育的兩個(gè)重點(diǎn)是孩子記憶的基礎(chǔ)：

孩子長(zhǎng)大以后，腦容量更大，能夠記住更多的事情，大那是如果孩子只增長(zhǎng)腦容量，不對(duì)事件有時(shí)間標(biāo)記，那么他們就會(huì)分不清這些事情發(fā)生的時(shí)候，有的孩子在分不清時(shí)間的時(shí)候，對(duì)于所有過去發(fā)生的事情都統(tǒng)稱為“昨天事件”，他們分不清具體是什么時(shí)候發(fā)生了什么事情。

“記仇”其實(shí)是一種無意識(shí)記憶

孩子本身不是有意“記仇”的，而是當(dāng)孩子的記憶腦區(qū)發(fā)育完成的時(shí)候，就會(huì)自然而然地記住自己生活中發(fā)生的事件。無意識(shí)記憶的對(duì)于孩子成長(zhǎng)的好處在于很多生活事件孩子不需要刻意去記住，就可以學(xué)習(xí)到生活常識(shí)，例如一些危險(xiǎn)的事件，孩子在碰了熱水以后被燙到，孩子的大腦就會(huì)直接對(duì)這個(gè)事件進(jìn)行編碼，儲(chǔ)存在自己的大腦里。

因?yàn)楹⒆訉?duì)危險(xiǎn)事件的無意識(shí)記憶，孩子以后遇到相同的情況就會(huì)選擇不去冒險(xiǎn)，下次孩子再遇到熱水壺就不會(huì)冒失地去碰了。

同樣的，孩子的無意識(shí)記憶也會(huì)記住周圍人的仇，對(duì)于孩子來說記住不利的事件有助于以后我們避開相同的事件，而愛翻舊賬可能和孩子本身的性格特點(diǎn)有關(guān)。

孩子記仇的時(shí)候，家長(zhǎng)不能責(zé)罵，首要是安撫孩子

當(dāng)孩子記仇的時(shí)候，家長(zhǎng)要及時(shí)和自己的孩子和解，孩子還小，家長(zhǎng)不能責(zé)罵孩子，覺得自己的孩子“愛記仇”，“不知感恩”，越這樣罵，孩子會(huì)記得越清楚。

澄清是指孩子在說話模糊不清，表達(dá)不清楚自己的意思，或者孩子說話張冠李戴邏輯不清的時(shí)候，幫助孩子理清楚思路。

例如，胡胡的媽媽不愿意他吃太多蛋糕，孩子說媽媽小氣，那么家長(zhǎng)就要和孩子開始掰扯，為什么說媽媽小氣，小氣的媽媽會(huì)給孩子買大蛋糕嗎？媽媽要是小氣會(huì)把買來的大蛋糕分給其他人吃嗎？

還有的孩子記仇只是記住了當(dāng)時(shí)的情緒，孩子可能一瞬間被某個(gè)人傷害到了，比如胡胡被同學(xué)打了一下，雖然不是有意的，但是他們會(huì)牢牢地記住那個(gè)感覺和情緒，以后見到那個(gè)人同學(xué)就會(huì)想起這段不愉快的經(jīng)歷。那么家長(zhǎng)就要先安撫自己的孩子，讓孩子內(nèi)心先安靜下來，等負(fù)面的額情緒消除，孩子才能夠想清楚當(dāng)時(shí)的情況和同學(xué)和解。

結(jié)論：

有人說孩子愛記仇長(zhǎng)大了一定會(huì)是一個(gè)忘恩負(fù)義的大人，這種話大錯(cuò)特錯(cuò)，當(dāng)家長(zhǎng)有這種想法的時(shí)候就是在給自己的孩子貼負(fù)面標(biāo)簽。家長(zhǎng)責(zé)罵記仇的孩子不是一個(gè)好的教育方法，當(dāng)孩子有記仇的傾向的時(shí)候，應(yīng)該先安撫自己的孩子，讓他們能夠從負(fù)面情緒中走出來，帶著他們理性思考，而不是責(zé)罵他們讓他們一步一步走向偏執(zhí)的道路。

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