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孩子再小也能照顧自己，2到20歲分齡教養(yǎng)法，讓孩子遠(yuǎn)離媽寶娃

出處：@妖精媽媽育兒經(jīng)日期：2024-08-09 12:01:31編輯：網(wǎng)絡(luò)收集

有一個(gè)同事和我居住在同一個(gè)小區(qū)，多次邀請(qǐng)我去她家做客，卻之不恭只好欣然前往。吃飯的時(shí)候發(fā)生了一件匪夷所思的事情，她婆婆居然在喂10歲孫女吃飯。我吃驚地問(wèn)她：“囡囡是生病了嗎，怎么還得阿姨喂飯呀。”

同事一下子臉紅了，生氣地說(shuō)“她奶奶就那樣，總是慣著孩子。”

這時(shí)候，我才意識(shí)到自己說(shuō)錯(cuò)話(huà)了。

回家后，我不經(jīng)意和老公說(shuō)了這件事，老公卻輕松地回應(yīng)我：“這有什么呀，你知道多少中學(xué)生不能自己坐車(chē)回家，全靠父母接送上下學(xué)的。我們上大學(xué)的時(shí)候，還有很多同學(xué)不會(huì)洗衣服，不會(huì)系鞋帶呢？10歲的孩子不會(huì)吃飯，算什么大事兒??！”

如果說(shuō)小學(xué)有媽寶的現(xiàn)象，還情有可原，中學(xué)和大學(xué)的孩子還不自立，就有點(diǎn)說(shuō)不去了。

妖精媽媽認(rèn)為，每一個(gè)媽寶的背后都有一對(duì)“不愿放手”的父母。想要提高孩子的自理能力，父母就要不斷地調(diào)整自己的教養(yǎng)策略。所謂的“變”，就是要隨著孩子的成長(zhǎng)，不斷地調(diào)整親子關(guān)系，在合適的時(shí)候選擇放手。唯一“不變”的是，孩子永遠(yuǎn)是父母心中的寶貝。

父母如何避免養(yǎng)出媽寶呢？

孩子自理能力的培養(yǎng)是一個(gè)過(guò)程，不是一朝一夕就能完成的。父母從小就要培養(yǎng)孩子的動(dòng)手能力，不同階段也有著不同的教養(yǎng)重點(diǎn)。

1、學(xué)齡前

教養(yǎng)重點(diǎn)：自己的事情自己做

有一次我去姐姐的幼兒園幫忙，正好碰到小朋友們來(lái)上學(xué)。有個(gè)2歲左右的小朋友自己背著書(shū)包，抱著睡袋走進(jìn)幼兒園，后面跟著兩手空空的爸爸，這一幕成了幼兒園門(mén)口的獨(dú)特風(fēng)景。我問(wèn)他為什么不幫幫孩子，他說(shuō)：“我們農(nóng)村的孩子，小時(shí)候都是自己上學(xué)?，F(xiàn)在安全因素變復(fù)雜了，孩子還是應(yīng)該做力所能及的事兒。”

其實(shí)，每個(gè)孩子都有獨(dú)立做事的愿望，只是父母認(rèn)為他們還小，剝奪了他們嘗試的機(jī)會(huì)。培養(yǎng)孩子獨(dú)立，從小我們就要養(yǎng)成孩子獨(dú)立穿衣、吃飯、整理書(shū)包的好習(xí)慣，他們獨(dú)立完成的事情越多，孩子就越自信、越有耐心。

入學(xué)前，孩子社交圈無(wú)非是自己和父母，他們把家作為基地，慢慢向外蔓延。如果父母剝奪了孩子嘗試的機(jī)會(huì)，事事代勞，孩子就會(huì)縮在城堡里，永遠(yuǎn)也長(zhǎng)不大，遇事就會(huì)說(shuō)“媽媽?zhuān)銕臀?rdquo;。

2、小學(xué)

教養(yǎng)重點(diǎn)：遇到問(wèn)題，鼓勵(lì)孩子嘗試

到了小學(xué)階段，媽寶一般表現(xiàn)在兩個(gè)方面，一個(gè)是生活中的媽寶，一個(gè)是學(xué)習(xí)上的媽寶。

孩子沒(méi)有生活能力，不會(huì)做家務(wù)、不會(huì)整理書(shū)包和房間，很多簡(jiǎn)單的生活技能都需要父母幫忙，這就屬于生活中的媽寶。學(xué)習(xí)中的媽寶則是父母過(guò)多地?fù)胶秃⒆拥膶W(xué)習(xí)，替孩子寫(xiě)作業(yè)、做手工，甚至幫孩子解決同學(xué)間的沖突。

學(xué)習(xí)、生活、社交是每個(gè)孩子都應(yīng)該掌握的基本技能。如果父母在這些事情上大包大攬，介入太多，會(huì)讓孩子錯(cuò)失學(xué)習(xí)的機(jī)會(huì)。

妖精媽媽并不鼓勵(lì)父母在孩子遇到問(wèn)題的時(shí)候做甩手掌柜，而是希望父母先給孩子嘗試和體驗(yàn)的機(jī)會(huì)，不要馬上出面幫孩子解決問(wèn)題。父母可以和孩子一起分析和討論，并提出一些參考建議，讓孩子掌握分析和解決問(wèn)題的技巧。

3、青少年

教養(yǎng)重點(diǎn)：父母敢放手，孩子更獨(dú)立

青少年期的孩子開(kāi)始追求自我，尋求獨(dú)立，想要掙脫父母的控制，如果這時(shí)候父母不懂得放手，左右孩子的一切，親子關(guān)系只會(huì)越來(lái)越差。

我認(rèn)識(shí)一個(gè)13歲的女孩子就是一個(gè)典型的例子，她每次在社交媒體是發(fā)完自己的動(dòng)態(tài)后，父母都會(huì)給她點(diǎn)贊、留言，還會(huì)替孩子回答朋友的問(wèn)候，甚至?xí)闼⒓油瑢W(xué)聚會(huì)。很多同學(xué)因此嘲笑她，更增加了她對(duì)父母的反感。

如果一個(gè)十幾歲的孩子一直在父母的保護(hù)下生活，什么問(wèn)題都要父母來(lái)回答，什么事情都要父母來(lái)解決，又怎么會(huì)獨(dú)立思考，獨(dú)立做事呢。

進(jìn)入青春期后，孩子就像人造衛(wèi)星，父母就像地球，他們雖然圍著父母轉(zhuǎn)，但已經(jīng)開(kāi)始擺脫我們的控制，逐漸融入社會(huì)了。

孩子“心理”的獨(dú)立更重要

對(duì)于青少年而言，所謂的獨(dú)立并不是要把他們掃地出門(mén)，而是心理上的獨(dú)立，我認(rèn)為應(yīng)該做到以下幾點(diǎn)：

1、生活獨(dú)立

孩子作為一個(gè)人，首先要做到生活上的獨(dú)立，能夠處理個(gè)人事務(wù)，照顧好自己。

2、人格獨(dú)立

作為一個(gè)獨(dú)立的個(gè)體，孩子應(yīng)該有自己的價(jià)值觀(guān)、人生觀(guān)，這樣就不會(huì)盲目追隨別人，避免輕聽(tīng)輕信。

3、情感獨(dú)立

除了生活和人格獨(dú)立外，孩子的情感也應(yīng)該是獨(dú)立的，待人接物不必過(guò)度獲得父母的贊揚(yáng)和幫助，情緒支持即可。

4、沖突獨(dú)立

孩子的獨(dú)立還應(yīng)該體現(xiàn)在與父母的情緒區(qū)隔上，不會(huì)因?yàn)檎J(rèn)為父母的負(fù)面情緒是自己引起的，并因此內(nèi)疚和自責(zé)。

如果父母不愿意撤下自己的保護(hù)傘，不舍得放手，那么孩子就跨不出家庭的堡壘，最終變成一個(gè)不折不扣的啃老族。

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