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讓寶寶更快樂，媽媽更省心的天性培養(yǎng)法

出處：媽媽育兒網(wǎng)日期：2012-12-12 12:01:33編輯：Chen

第一次當(dāng)爸媽的人，幾乎總是“教養(yǎng)”的忠實信徒；深信自己為小孩提供的經(jīng)驗，會塑造好這個小孩的性格特質(zhì)。如果孩子有什么優(yōu)點，都是父母的功勞；如果小孩有缺點，也是父母的過錯。

養(yǎng)育第二個孩子的經(jīng)驗通常會讓父母從中省悟。他們看著兩個小孩的性格發(fā)展，發(fā)現(xiàn)兩者簡直有如天壤之別，即使教育方式完全相同。一個總是開開心心，另一個卻很容易煩惱不安。一個總是跑來跑去、忙個不停，另一個卻靜靜坐著、觀看周遭發(fā)生的一切。一個總是毫無困難地喜歡上新環(huán)境，另一個卻需要百般勸誘，才肯嘗試不熟悉的事物。顯然地，除了后天的教養(yǎng)，天性也會影響孩子的人格。

每個孩子都帶著與生俱來的特質(zhì)，會影響他們的活躍程度、容易感到挫折或煩惱的程度，以及對各種改變的適應(yīng)程度。對遭遇的每件事物，孩子的反應(yīng)方式幾乎都會受到先天素質(zhì)的影響。

身為父母，你必須考慮子女的性情，即使是芝麻小事也不例外。譬如說，生性沉靜的孩子，可以在餐廳裡安穩(wěn)地坐著，用蠟筆在紙上專注地畫畫，讓一旁的父母從容享用晚餐。另一個活潑好動的小孩如果處于同樣的情況，卻需要父母提供更多活動，轉(zhuǎn)移他調(diào)皮搗蛋的心思。

而且，他也不可能在座位上待那么久；如果父母想出外享受一頓悠閑的晚餐，唯一的辦法就只有雇用臨時保母。這就是為什么父母一定要了解小孩的性情，接受它之后，再依據(jù)它調(diào)整自己的教養(yǎng)方式，尤其是當(dāng)孩子年紀還小的時候。

舉例來說，你明知三歲的兒子一向比較認生，需要比較長的時間才愿意親近陌生人。然而，你卻在他開始上幼稚園的頭幾天，一送他到校便匆忙離去，或是因孩子需要你在離去前多花幾分鐘安撫他而感到不耐煩，這對小孩來說就很不公平。

如果你知道四歲的兒子總是像一陣旋風(fēng)似地忙個不停，就不該期望他能在你看報紙時，乖乖坐著玩半個鐘頭的拼圖游戲。倘若你五歲的兒子生性容易害怕，而爬得太高會讓他緊張得失去控制，你就不該硬逼他在游戲場的方格鐵架上，爬得跟其他玩伴一樣高。謹慎的孩子沒辦法不瞻前顧后，同樣地，活潑好動的孩子忍不住就會忙個不停，而膽怯的孩子很容易就會驚慌失措。這些性情并不是孩子所能控制的。因此，如果孩子生來便具有某種天性，做父母的該怎么辦？

子女的個性，可能會為父母帶來諸多不便。然而，期望孩子改變天生的特質(zhì)，好讓自己的日子好過一點，就好比期望孩子改變眼睛的顏色，好搭配你給他穿上的衣服一樣，都將徒然無功。假如發(fā)覺某套衣服讓孩子看起來很奇怪，你會給他換穿另一套。同樣地，倘若孩子的性情使他對某種特定情況有某種反應(yīng)，而這種反應(yīng)方式為你帶來困擾，需要改變的應(yīng)該是那個情況，而不是想辦法讓孩子能有不同的反應(yīng)。

所以我們講，別試圖改造孩子的素質(zhì)。如果他生性膽怯，就算你強迫他面對充滿壓力的處境、接受磨練，也無法改變他容易畏懼的性情。天生活潑好動的小孩，并不是一匹需要被馴服的野馬。孩子的性格部分源自于天性，無論是父母或子女本身，都別無選擇，必須學(xué)著接受和適應(yīng)。其實每種天性都有他獨有的好處。

記住最重要的一點：如果孩子個性比較別扭，當(dāng)他面對任何變化或不熟悉的情況時，父母需要多給他一點時間。當(dāng)孩子初次面對某種經(jīng)驗時，同樣需要父母的耐心協(xié)助；比方說，孩子第一次看牙醫(yī)、在朋友家過夜，或是參加朋友的生日會。其他小孩覺得無所謂的情況，卻可能令你的孩子感到害怕、畏縮或難過；一旦他開始緊張不安，將需要較長的時間才能控制這些感受。當(dāng)他試圖調(diào)適自己時，你必須保持耐性。

雖然無法控制孩子遇到的事物，你卻能夠做到盡可能考慮孩子的性情。如果孩子無法長時間集中注意力，全家人一起外出時，就不要安排需要經(jīng)常坐著不動的活動。如果孩子非常好動，不妨選擇能四處奔跑、消耗精力的活動。如果孩子容易受到驚嚇，盡可能不要讓他接觸可怕的事物。父母需要做的，只是事先想想孩子的個性，并且運用一些常識。

對于年紀還不到七、八歲的孩子，愈少遇到與自己性情相沖突的情況，對其心智的發(fā)展愈有益。強迫活潑好動的幼稚園小孩長時間靜坐，并不會改變他的個性，只會讓他感到挫折沮喪而已。讓生性畏怯的五歲孩子接觸可怕的事物，只會讓他更害怕、而不是更勇敢。

不過，我倒有個值得一試的好方法，就是對孩子不善應(yīng)付的情況，父母可以幫助孩子練習(xí)身處其中。

舉例來說，女兒要參加生平第一次萬圣節(jié)派對，但是因生性膽小而非常緊張。你可以事先帶她到服裝道具店，讓她看看其他孩子可能穿戴的服飾，這樣一來，她便能依自己的方式適應(yīng)萬圣節(jié)派對的場面。

或者，你想出門看場電影，并且安排了一名新保母到家裡看顧小孩，但你知道，孩子一向很認生。在這種情況下，你應(yīng)該安排保母早一點到，跟你和孩子一起玩一陣子，而不要讓保母在你臨出門前才出現(xiàn)。如果兒子經(jīng)常漫不經(jīng)心，你可以找些游戲跟他玩，要求他在玩的時候，必須注意聆聽游戲規(guī)則。這樣一來，他就可以在家里逐漸習(xí)慣專心聽講，而不必等到上了學(xué)才面臨這個挑戰(zhàn)。

然而，練習(xí)所能達到的效果畢竟有限，尤其是孩子年紀孩小的時候。所以，不要期望奇跡發(fā)生。隨著時間推移，你和孩子將找到一些方法，可以逐步克服他性格上的弱點。直到那一刻之前，需要努力調(diào)適的都是父母。

針對孩子的不同特質(zhì)，父母調(diào)適的要訣是，創(chuàng)造出能夠發(fā)揮孩子先天長處、而不會凸顯其弱點的狀況。要達到這個目的，你必須知道哪些事物能夠激勵孩子、然后采取有彈性的管教方式，并且把孩子當(dāng)成獨特的個體看待。這是三個值得謹記在心的準則。

別試圖與孩子的性情對抗。如果你善用它、不要打壓它，你和孩子都會快樂得多。

本文由媽媽育兒網(wǎng)（http://15thirdstreetblackrock.com/）小編編輯整理

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