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家長(zhǎng)學(xué)會(huì)止步 孩子才能學(xué)會(huì)邁步(2)

出處：媽媽育兒網(wǎng)日期：2013-02-17 13:34:46編輯：Chen

自我管理是一個(gè)持續(xù)性的過(guò)程

孩子越大越不好管”是李女士常常掛在嘴邊的一句話。她的女兒今年才9歲，但李女士認(rèn)為女兒小時(shí)候更“可愛(ài)”。

現(xiàn)在，母女倆經(jīng)常較勁，早晨李女士給女兒準(zhǔn)備好衣服，小姑娘會(huì)提反對(duì)意見(jiàn)，理由是“我不愛(ài)穿這個(gè)”。當(dāng)同學(xué)們都用帶香味的圓珠筆時(shí)，李女士要求女兒不要有“虛榮”心理，而且“氣味有異的東西對(duì)健康有礙”。諸如此類的爭(zhēng)論，經(jīng)常以李女士的勝利告終，但女兒少不了一番死纏爛打軟磨硬泡，有時(shí)候還會(huì)大哭一場(chǎng)。

事實(shí)上，很多家長(zhǎng)都有跟孩子討價(jià)還價(jià)的經(jīng)歷。比如，孩子提出要玩30分鐘的游戲，父母不同意，玩游戲的時(shí)間改成了20分鐘。

有意思的是，在接受專家調(diào)查的家長(zhǎng)中，絕大部分都表示重視“鼓勵(lì)孩子自己做決定”。家長(zhǎng)們?nèi)绱搜孕胁灰?，因?yàn)樗麄儞?dān)心“孩子還小，管不住自己”，可在專家看來(lái)，這其實(shí)是家長(zhǎng)們?yōu)樽约涸劫薮艺业囊粋€(gè)借口。

孩子們的自我管理，是一個(gè)持續(xù)性的過(guò)程。”專家說(shuō)，但家長(zhǎng)處于強(qiáng)勢(shì)地位，以結(jié)果為導(dǎo)向，習(xí)慣從經(jīng)驗(yàn)出發(fā)，難免武斷專橫。他們要求孩子減少10分鐘的目的，只是因?yàn)?0分鐘的游戲時(shí)間符合他們自己的意愿。

專家表示，允許孩子自己解釋選擇的理由，澄清這么做的價(jià)值，這個(gè)思考過(guò)程是很寶貴的。比如說(shuō)，要聽(tīng)聽(tīng)孩子堅(jiān)持玩30分鐘的理由，如果孩子只是說(shuō)“××就是這樣的”，這是盲目跟風(fēng)不是獨(dú)立思考，家長(zhǎng)就不能支持。

在專家看來(lái)，無(wú)論是自己的物品還是學(xué)習(xí)，不管是時(shí)間還是情緒，孩子們終究是要學(xué)會(huì)自己面對(duì)、自己處理的。小的時(shí)候，他們并不能像成人那樣清晰地認(rèn)知自己的目標(biāo)，比如說(shuō)同一類事情，會(huì)制定不一致的目標(biāo)，或者多次改變調(diào)整自己的目標(biāo)，但這都是正常的情況。

家長(zhǎng)要做的不是輕易否定他們，也不是盲目隨意地任其發(fā)展。”專家說(shuō)，家長(zhǎng)應(yīng)該和孩子在民主協(xié)商的基礎(chǔ)上，制定可操作的自我管理計(jì)劃。在這個(gè)過(guò)程中，家長(zhǎng)要引導(dǎo)孩子就選擇的后果進(jìn)行審慎的思考，鼓勵(lì)他們根據(jù)選擇來(lái)行動(dòng)，然后對(duì)一些不滿意的結(jié)果進(jìn)行反思和改進(jìn)。久而久之，孩子就會(huì)形成自覺(jué)思考的習(xí)慣，盲目選擇會(huì)越來(lái)越少，自我管理能力隨之提高，家長(zhǎng)也就可以放手了。

不要輕易讓計(jì)劃落空

專家曾在校門口觀察過(guò)放學(xué)的孩子，在等父母來(lái)接的時(shí)候，很多孩子會(huì)被一些小商販“勸”著買東西，但很少有人能迅速有效地?cái)[脫這種境況。

孩子們處理實(shí)際問(wèn)題的能力不足，集中表現(xiàn)在日常生活中，我們可以隨時(shí)看到。”專家說(shuō)，學(xué)習(xí)和生活是分不開(kāi)的，家長(zhǎng)們總是試圖將其割裂，總覺(jué)得等孩子上了大學(xué)，自己一撒手，他們?cè)摃?huì)的就全會(huì)了。

但是，往往事與愿違。有的人找工作面試要帶著父母，有的人工作中出了問(wèn)題還要父母出面解決&helpp;&helpp;

專家認(rèn)為，很多生活道理、人情世故，以及如何待人接物，都需要孩子在日常生活中一點(diǎn)一點(diǎn)地去體驗(yàn)和總結(jié)。如果家長(zhǎng)一味地包辦代替，孩子們無(wú)法學(xué)會(huì)自理，也無(wú)處習(xí)得一些社會(huì)化技能，將來(lái)很難適應(yīng)這個(gè)社會(huì)。

孩子們的自我管理，是一個(gè)實(shí)現(xiàn)個(gè)體化和社會(huì)化的過(guò)程。自我管理能力強(qiáng)的兒童，社會(huì)適應(yīng)能力也強(qiáng)。”專家表示，對(duì)一個(gè)班級(jí)來(lái)說(shuō)，老師不可能表現(xiàn)出兩種或兩種以上的自我管理教育方式。與學(xué)校教育相比，來(lái)自家長(zhǎng)的自我管理教育才是最基礎(chǔ)的形式。家長(zhǎng)們要有培養(yǎng)孩子自我管理能力的意識(shí)，提醒自己“止步”；也要在實(shí)踐中找到科學(xué)的方法，讓孩子學(xué)會(huì)“邁步”。

實(shí)施自我管理，要制定切實(shí)可行的計(jì)劃和預(yù)期目標(biāo)。”專家說(shuō)，缺乏目標(biāo)的引領(lǐng)必然導(dǎo)致混亂。

專家舉了個(gè)例子。小張計(jì)劃在寒假練習(xí)一首鋼琴曲，希望達(dá)到熟練的程度，他決定每周三、五、日下午練習(xí)一個(gè)半小時(shí)。結(jié)果到寒假結(jié)束時(shí)他還是沒(méi)有按計(jì)劃完成任務(wù)。

計(jì)劃不僅僅是要干什么，要有目標(biāo)、有標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，還要有補(bǔ)救措施。有時(shí)候計(jì)劃未必非要那么詳細(xì)，但要清楚自己每一步要達(dá)到的目標(biāo)。”他說(shuō)，可以依事情定計(jì)劃，也可以依時(shí)間定計(jì)劃，關(guān)鍵是有可行性，不要輕易讓計(jì)劃落空。

專家建議，家長(zhǎng)可以和孩子在民主討論的基礎(chǔ)上，制定具有科學(xué)性、可操作性的自我管理計(jì)劃。然后，家長(zhǎng)引導(dǎo)孩子形成定期檢查、及時(shí)總結(jié)的良好習(xí)慣，通過(guò)自我管理——檢查——總結(jié)這一過(guò)程，達(dá)到真正意義上的自我管理和自我教育。

本文由媽媽育兒網(wǎng)（http://15thirdstreetblackrock.com/）小編編輯整理

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