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隔代教育的42條對(duì)策之1-10條(18)

出處：媽媽育兒網(wǎng)日期：2014-01-04 10:57:33編輯：Chen

從這個(gè)故事可以看出，改變孩子過于依賴大人的習(xí)慣并不難，只要找到恰當(dāng)?shù)臋C(jī)遇，孩子是可以克服依賴性的。在這個(gè)故事中，奶奶忙得不可開交、爸爸勸孩子體諒奶奶的辛勞、孩子自己穿衣服會(huì)帶來更大的快樂都是父母和老人成功地分工合作的結(jié)果。老人愛孩子，孩子也會(huì)愛老人，因此一般都能克服依賴性，培養(yǎng)獨(dú)立性。

父母和老人分工合作的服務(wù)對(duì)象都是孩子，因此，要圍繞孩子展開成功的、具體的分工，需要一段時(shí)間讓父母改變對(duì)待老人和孩子的心態(tài)，也讓老人改變對(duì)待孩子的習(xí)慣。在這些改變中，父母要勇于承擔(dān)教育孩子的主要責(zé)任，承擔(dān)作為家長(zhǎng)的責(zé)任，平衡好三代人之間的關(guān)系；而老人也要改變過于溺愛孩子的心態(tài)，把教育孩子的權(quán)利交給兒女，轉(zhuǎn)而做父母的參謀，平時(shí)少干預(yù)兒女教育孩子的具體事務(wù)，只在必要的情況下糾正兒女的錯(cuò)誤做法即可。

在這段磨合的時(shí)間里，孩子會(huì)覺察到大人的改變，因此，父母和老人要悄悄地進(jìn)行一場(chǎng)家庭教育的改革，要讓孩子理解大人，讓孩子懂得大人為什么變得“冷淡”，對(duì)自己“漠不關(guān)心”，變得嚴(yán)格起來。

環(huán)境的改變對(duì)孩子的影響是巨大的，而家庭環(huán)境對(duì)孩子的影響最為重大，假如孩子對(duì)大人的改變不理解，其情感需求將得不到滿足，對(duì)大人的感情將發(fā)生難以預(yù)料和難以控制的變化。因此，大人要讓孩子明白，所有的改變都是為了孩子。只有三代人共同參與、共同努力，父母和老人分工合作、取長(zhǎng)補(bǔ)短的計(jì)劃才能見成效。

10.“爸爸在哪里？我要找爸爸！”——單親家庭的隔代教育

在隔代教育家庭中，有一類家庭比較特別：?jiǎn)斡H家庭。和雙親家庭相比，單親家庭所面臨的隔代教育的危害更大，主要表現(xiàn)在以下幾個(gè)方面：

首先，單親家長(zhǎng)面臨更大的經(jīng)濟(jì)壓力，因而需要付出更多的時(shí)間在工作上，對(duì)孩子的教育幾乎由老人全部承擔(dān)。由于兒女的家庭不健全，老人對(duì)孩子會(huì)倍加溺愛，導(dǎo)致孩子更加容易形成自私、蠻橫、自卑等不良品格。不僅老人如此，父親或母親也會(huì)溺愛孩子。因此，培養(yǎng)孩子的優(yōu)秀品格成為單親隔代教育家庭的最大困難。

其次，不健全的家庭帶來不健全的愛，對(duì)孩子的心靈造成無法彌補(bǔ)的創(chuàng)傷。父愛和母愛是孩子不可或缺的最重要的愛，它們共同促成孩子的健康成長(zhǎng)。缺少任何一種愛，孩子的心靈都是殘缺的，其人格很容易走向畸形。這是因?yàn)樯倭艘环N愛，另一種愛就會(huì)被放大。

無論男孩還是女孩，其人格組成部分中既要有父親的嚴(yán)格，也要有母親的慈愛；既要有父親的教導(dǎo)，也要有母親的叮嚀；既要有父親的威嚴(yán)，也要有母親的慈祥。無論父愛還是母愛，都是不能代替的。假如缺少任何一種愛，另一種愛都會(huì)以不正確的比例融進(jìn)孩子的心靈世界，孩子的人格將是不完整的，極其容易被扭曲。

再次，單親家庭面臨更多難以處理的家庭關(guān)系，這些也會(huì)影響孩子的心靈成長(zhǎng)。假如父母離異，孩子跟母親生活，而父親重組家庭并且有了另一個(gè)孩子，那么，這兩個(gè)家庭的關(guān)系將影響孩子的情感需求。爺爺奶奶是否一如既往地疼愛孫子呢？

親生父親會(huì)不會(huì)仍然像以前一樣帶孩子出去玩呢？單身媽媽怎么面對(duì)孩子要找爸爸的要求呢？親生父親又如何在不影響新家庭的情況下緩解思念孩子的痛苦呢？對(duì)于這些問題，大人尚且難以處理，更別說孩子了。

單親家庭的隔代教育的危害遠(yuǎn)不止這些，從以上幾點(diǎn)來看，單親隔代家庭需要面對(duì)更多、更復(fù)雜的家庭問題。處理這些問題成了為孩子營(yíng)造和諧的家庭氛圍的最大困難。那么，單身父親或母親該如何解決這個(gè)困難呢？

我們不妨先來談?wù)剢紊砀改溉绾渭缲?fù)起教育孩子的主要責(zé)任。原來兩個(gè)人共同分擔(dān)的重任落到一個(gè)人肩上，未免有些殘酷，但卻是單身父母無法回避的問題。為了減輕自己的負(fù)擔(dān)以及滿足自己的感情需求，許多單身父母會(huì)產(chǎn)生重組家庭的想法。

那么，單身父母該不該給孩子找一個(gè)繼母或者繼父呢？在新聞、電視劇、電影中，我們看到的，結(jié)局大多數(shù)都是繼母或者繼父不善待非親生孩子。為什么是這種結(jié)局呢？關(guān)鍵在于是否親生。要讓一個(gè)大人像愛親生子女一樣愛一個(gè)非親生的孩子，是極為困難的。

雖然感情是可以培養(yǎng)的，但是血緣關(guān)系是改變不了的，而血緣關(guān)系帶來的難以割舍的愛，是很難發(fā)生在沒有血緣關(guān)系的兩個(gè)人身上的。因此，絕大多數(shù)繼母或繼父都不愛配偶原來的孩子，而要求再生一個(gè)。大人如此，孩子何嘗不是！

要讓孩子像愛親生父母一樣愛繼母或者繼父，或者讓孩子像喜歡親生兄弟姐妹一樣喜歡繼母或者繼父的孩子，也是非常困難的。因此，單身父母既想重組家庭又想不影響孩子的健康成長(zhǎng)，需要付出很多努力。

山東有這么一名女學(xué)生：出生在富裕家庭，但因?yàn)槟樅谇议L(zhǎng)，吃了一個(gè)月奶之后就被媽媽拋棄了。奶奶心地善良，不忍心孫女受苦，就把孩子收留下來，將她拉扯大。女孩5歲的時(shí)候，父母離異，這對(duì)女孩造成了很大的打擊。

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